


Tearful x Goodbyes x And x An x Aftermath x Of x Despair

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: AU, AU where the Zoldycks are not complete jerks, Also depressed Killua, Depressed Gon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Killugon - Freeform, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Smut, Moving Away, Sad fanfic with happy ending, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Very depressing, somewhat au i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 20:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 42
Words: 32,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10601349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Killua and Gon were happy together for a long time. They loved each other. But little did they know that it wouldn't last long. Fate just had to ruin things for them. And now, their lives are filled with depression and negativity.





	1. Chapter 1 - Killua's POV

I could never forget the tone in his voice when I told him the news.  
"Gon," I said. "I'm moving away next week. I'm moving somewhere far, far away. I can't change their minds. I'm leaving next Friday."  
There was dead silence from the other side, Gon's side.  
"W-will you be back?" He asked, with a broken and sad tone in his voice.  
"I-I don't know if I'll ever be back," I answered. "I hope I'll be able to visit at least."  
I could hear sniffling from the other side of the phone.  
"Gon?" I asked. "Are you okay?"  
"Yes," He said, although it was an obvious lie. "I'm sorry, Killua, I have to be right back."  
And then he put the phone on mute.  
Goddammit. He was probably crying a river after telling him, but put the phone on mute so that I wouldn't have to hear. And that hurt me even more. I felt terrible, but if I never told him, then it would have hurt him even more than letting him know I'll be leaving. I wish I was there, right beside him, comforting him. Telling him it would be okay, even though that would be a lie.  
He suddenly hung up, which made me feel even more terrible. First, I started sniffling. Then, I started sobbing. Just the thought of Gon, the love of my life, being upset could make me upset too.

"Big brother?" Alluka asked. "Are you okay?"  
I wiped away my tears and forced a fake smile. "I'm fine, Alluka. You don't need to worry."  
She didn't believe this, and hugged me.  
"It'll be okay, big brother," she said. I hugged her back. I knew she was just trying to make me feel better, but it wasn't going to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 7th. The final day that Killua was going to be able to spend with Gon. They promise not to lose touch with each other, and then they went off.

I sat with Gon on a park bench. No snow. Just cloudy grey skies.  
"You leave tomorrow," Gon said, unable to believe it.  
I nodded. "I leave tomorrow."   
"Will you stay in touch?" He asked.   
"Of course I will," I said.  
"Good," He replied. And then, after a few minutes of silence, he said, "I'm really going to miss you, Killua."  
I looked into his warm, caramel brown eyes. They were already filling with tears.  
"I'll miss you as well," I said, trying to hold back my tears as well.  
I then got a text. It was from Milluki.  
"I gotta go," I said.  
He nodded. "Promise to never stop calling or texting me."  
I looked at him. "I promise. Every month."  
He gave a weak smile. "Every month."  
We then shared one last kiss, and then he said, "I love you."  
I looked him in the eyes. "I love you too."  
We then split up. After a few steps, I made the worst decision I ever made that day. I looked back behind me. And what I saw hurt me.  
Gon was truly upset, just like I was. He had broken down and was on his knees, crying. It hurt me even more just to see him like that. I didn't want to see what I saw.  
'I knew I shouldn't have looked back,' I thought to myself. 'Keep your chin up, and keep walking.'  
And so I did, with tears streaming down my face.  
Going back would only hurt us more, so I didn't go back, or look back again. I kept walking.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH I'M RLY SORRY THIS WAS SO SHORT OMF


	3. Chapter 3 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 8th. The day the Zoldyck family moves. Killua is stuck with an upset Alluka and an oddly grumpy Kalluto.

I got in the car with Alluka and Kalluto. The others were already in the car.  
I sat in the middle, dividing Alluka and Kalluto. Alluka sat on the left, while Kalluto sat on my right.  
I had spent the past 3 hours trying to comfort a crying Alluka, which felt odd, since last time she was comforting me.  
"I don't want to go," She sobbed. "I like it here in Yorknew City."  
I pat her back. "I know, but maybe the new house is bigger."  
It didn't work. "I don't want a bigger house," she wailed. "I like our old house just fine!"  
This was odd, since Alluka usually never acted like this. Maybe because it was so sudden and because she'd have to leave her new friends.  
I sighed. Kalluto, the youngest, pulled out a book and gave it to Alluka.  
"I don't want to read," She sniffed.  
Kalluto rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said, very quietly. I was shocked to hear him say something like that.  
"What's wrong, Kalluto?" I asked.  
"I don't really care," He pouted. I was even more shocked that he was grumpy, since he was usually so calm and obediant. He was almost never grumpy. He kicked the back seat. "It's not fair."  
"What isn't fair?" I asked.  
"I don't like moving," He said. "It freaking sucks."  
I was shocked that he used such language. Him specifically. "Kalluto... Don't use that word.,  
He looked at me curiously. "But you use it all the time."  
I facepalmed. This kid had probably overheard the amount of language I use around Gon.  
"Well don't use it, okay?" I asked, calmly.  
He shrugged. "Whatever."  
"I don't like moving!" Alluka continued to sob.  
I sighed. This was going to be a long trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was decent-


	4. Chapter 4 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 24th. Killua's at a Christmas party with his family. He's not enjoying it. It's not that he doesn't want to spend time with his family; it's just because he misses having Gon by his side.

I was at a Christmas party with my family. People were already getting drunk, and I didn't like it.  
'This sucks,' I thought to myself. 'I'd rather be with Gon back in Yorknew City.'  
I then got a text. 'Perfect timing,' I said to myself in my mind.  
I looked at it. It was from Gon.  
"Hey, Killua. How are you doing?" The text said.  
"Good, but who cares about me? How are you doing?" I replied.  
And then we had a conversation. It was short, but it was a conversation.  
It went somewhat like this:

Gon: Fine, but something feels missing. Maybe because you're not here underneath the mistletoe with me.

Killua: Hahah you sap <3 I still love you tho

Gon: Ily too <3

Killua: Anyway, it's boring here. No snow. Only rain. 

Gon: Oh... Well, it's finally snowing here! I wish you were here to see. 

Killua: Dammit no fair

Gon: Yeah :P I wish you were here

Killua: You already said that idiot

Gon: Oh. Right

Gon: What school do you go to?

Killua: I go to a private school now. I don't like the uniform. It looks stupid on me.

Gon: Don't say that!!!!! 

Killua: But why? It's not like you know what it looks like on me.

Gon: Well yeah but you look good in everything!

Killua: Yeah right

Killua: Thanks though

Gon: You're welcome. I wish I could visit but Mito said it's too far away and too expensive ;-; I could pay for all of it

Killua: You can't pay for all of it though. You probably already spent all your money

Gon: True... But you spend all your money on chocolate and sweets!

Killua: Good point 

Gon: I still love you though

Killua: I could say the same

Gon: I know already <3

Killua: <3 

Killua: Wait brb

Killua: Ugh gtg

Gon: ;-;

Killua: Bye.

Gon: Bye 

My phone then turned off. It seems like I ran out of battery.  
Illumi was (surprisingly) socializing, Milluki was eating all of the food, and Kalluto was reading a book. Alluka wasn't there, but Nanika was. I didn't mind, since I loved the two of them dearly.   
Something was missing, though.  
Oh right.  
Gon was missing.   
If only Gon were here to make it complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was also decent-


	5. Chapter 5 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 20th. Gon's soulmate moved away last month. He can't sleep because of it. And then he finally gets the opportunity to talk to Killua.

The last time I talked to Killua was Christmas Eve. It had been 3 weeks since I had talked to Killua. And that was the longest we've ever spent without talking to each other.  
Our last conversation wasn't very long, either. At least compared to our other conversations.  
I had cried myself to sleep every night ever since the last time we had met up in person. I missed Killua. Why did he have to leave?  
I was lying on my bed, still wide awake. It was 10:00 at night. My eyes felt dry as hell. They always felt that way after I had cried, and it made me feel uncomfortable. But I had to deal with it.  
I knew that it probably wasn't Killua's decision to move away. But I was still wondering why he had to move away.   
Suddenly I had gotten a text. The phone screen lit up in the dark. I looked at it, and the screen brightness blinded me. It was from Killua.  
"Hey. Are you awake?" It said.  
I turned down the screen brightness. It wasn't as blinding anymore.  
I texted him back.  
"Yeah. Are you?" I asked.  
He replied back quickly.  
"Of course, how do you think I sent you this?" He replied.  
I giggled quietly. Whenever Killua was a smartass or sassy in some sort of way, I found it adorable.   
"I know, I know. Do you have time to call?" I asked him.  
"Yes, but what time is it where you are? I hope I didn't wake you in the middle of the night." He replied.  
"It's 10:00 pm here. What time is it where you are?" I texted back.  
"Holy crap Gon, you should get to sleep." The reply said.  
"But I don't want tooooooooo! I wanna just stay up and text you." My reply said.  
I wasn't tired at all.  
When I got a reply, it said, "*sigh* fine. It's only 7:30 pm here. But sure. If you want."  
I turned on a small lamp. I then decided to call him. My facecam was on, and so was his.  
He looked quite tired. He had bags under his cold icy blue eyes and his face was covered with acne. His white hair was quite messy, although it was almost always like that. He had a few bruises and his face was a bit scratched. He looked a bit depressed.  
"Hey," I said, giving a small smile. My voice cracked a bit, and was a bit hoarse. It was quiet, but loud enough for him to hear.  
"Holy frick, Gon," He said. "You look tired as hell."  
I turned onto my stomach and laid the phone on its side against my pillow. "That's because I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was you."  
He laughed, but it sounded a bit more broken than usual. "You sap."  
I laughed a little bit, but then I stopped. "Hey, Killua, are you okay? You seem a bit sad."  
"Because I am. You're not here with me," He said. "I don't have anybody, really."  
"What about your classmates?" I asked.   
"They bully me. They beat me up. All because I'm a Zoldyck." He said. "And I don't like being a member of the Zoldyck family."  
I was shocked. "Why?! You're such a great person!"  
"To you I am. But to my classmates I'm not. To my family I'm not. To me, I'm not."  
"Don't say that, Killua!" I scolded. "You're better than you think you are. I'll save up so I can buy a plane ticket and fly there so I can be with you. And I'll beat them up."  
He laughed, but it was even more broken than the first one. "You don't have to, Gon. I'm fine. Really. Besides, they'd beat you up before you would even blink."  
"I will," I insisted. "You don't deserve their bullcrap."  
"No, I probably do. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I did something." He put his hand through his messy hair. I noticed some marks on his wrist.  
"What are those on your wrist?" I asked, worried.  
"It's nothing, Gon," He avoided looking at the camera now.  
"Be honest. It's obviously something!" I said. "Or else they wouldn't be there.  
"I'm fine, Gon. Stop asking," He said.   
"Please, just talk to me about it! I promise I can help!"   
"No, you can't. There's nothing you can do about it."  
"Please, Killua!"  
"Why do you even bother anyway?!"  
There was dead silence for a few minutes.  
He wiped his eyes. "I'm fine, Gon," He said, in a broken voice. So broken that it hurt me even more.  
"No," I said quietly. "You're not. You need help, Killua."  
"Oh, so there's something wrong with me now? And you said I was perfect to you."  
"Killua, please," I told him. "There's something wrong, I know it. You shouldn't be upset. You should be happy. If I can't help, just, please, at least seek help from someone who can."  
I started to sniffle. Seeing him hurt like this made me hurt.  
"Gon?" He asked.  
"I-it's just," Tears were starting to roll down my cheeks. "It hurts me. It hurts me not being there to comfort you. Not being able to help you at all. It especially hurts me to see you hurt, Killua. I love you. I love you more than I can put into words. But I can't do anything at all. I'm useless."  
He realized how upset I was, and now he was crying too. "G-Gon, it's not your fault. If you can't help me, that's okay. You don't have to fix everything-"  
"But I do!" I interrupted.   
"You don't," He replied. "I admit. I'm not fine. I'm upset. I'm broken. But it's not your fault. Don't say that you can't do anything at all and that you're useless when you're clearly not useless. You know that you always can do something. And you decide to. You don't just stand around and do nothing when I get hurt. I always tell you that you don't need to do anything, but you always insist on doing something. And that's what I love about you."  
He showed a small smile. It was broken, like everything else right now, but it was a smile. "Remember when I almost jumped off a building? You stopped me. If you didn't stop me, I'd be dead. But you didn't stand around. You pulled me close and told me how much you loved me. And that stopped me. If you were completely useless, you would have let me fall to my death. But you didn't."  
"That was because I was scared!" I said. "I almost thought I wouldn't be able to save you in time. But I was. And I did. I saved you. And I'm glad I decided to save you. I never want to leave you. I always want to be there for you."  
"And that's why I love you," He told me.   
"I don't know why your classmates don't love you. You're a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. I used to be so selfish. But you didn't care. You still stayed by my side. And I regret being so selfish. But you always comforted me when I was hurt. And that's why I love you."  
He smiled. "I love you so much, Gon."  
I smiled back at him. "I love you too, Killua."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IF I KICKED YOUR FEELS-


	6. Chapter 6 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 3rd. It had been 3 months since Killua moved away. Nothing seemed to be wrong with Gon, or so he thought, until he got a text from Retz.

The bell rang. School was over for today.  
I was walking, and someone yelled, "Get lost, Zoldyck!"  
I growled. "Same goes for you."  
He then grabbed me by my backpack and slammed me against the lockers.  
I decided it wasn't worth a fight, and just walked away. My head was now bleeding, but I would be fine.  
I was walking on my way home, when I got a text.  
It was from... Retz? I hadn't seen her in forever. But I had been jealous of her bond with Gon until Gon had confessed to me, and he had said he only saw Retz as a friend.  
I looked at the text. It said, "Hi, Killua. This is Retz. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Gon's friend. Something's up with him. He's never depressed like this. Last night, he tried to kill himself. He jumped off the same building you did holding a suicide note.  
My eyes filled with tears. I was shaking. Why would he try to do that? And why didn't I know what was wrong?  
"Why did he jump off? Is he dead...?" My reply read.  
"Thankfully, no. Just a broken back, some ribs, an arm and a leg. I know this is probably terrifying for you. But he's in the hospital, so he should recover. But he won't be able to recover completely until a year passes."  
I was sobbing by this point.  
I walked home in the rain.   
I was asked why I was crying, and I refused to tell until Alluka asked.  
"Gon tried to kill himself." I said.   
Alluka was shocked. "Can we visit him?"  
"Not unless we take a plane," I answered.  
"Killua, you don't need to visit him," Illumi said.  
"I do!" I protested. "He's in the hospital! Do you even know how I felt when I got that text from Retz saying that he tried to jump off of a building?!"  
He sighed. "We're going on a trip to Yorknew City anyway, so you can see him there."  
I said nothing. I stormed off to my room and cried my eyes out.  
I'll be back in Yorknew City, but only for a short while.   
And I'll see Gon again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THAT I KEEP MAKING SAD CHAPTERS-


	7. Chapter 7 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 10th. Gon gets a visitor while in the hospital from his failed suicide attempt.

I sat in the hospital bed. Bandages were wrapped around my head, I had a cast on my arm and leg, and I had a back brace. I had just had surgery to try to fix my ribs. It was terrible.  
I remember how I ended up here.  
I had been with Killua enough times to remember which building he jumped off of. And so I went to the top of the building, and jumped off with a suicide note.  
Someone had seen, and saved me. They called 911.  
And now I'm here in the hospital.  
And then I got some news from one of the nurses. "You have a visitor."  
A visitor? Who was it?  
I looked in the doorway.  
It was Killua.  
He still looked like the same Killua. But he was upset. He was crying.  
"Y-you idiot!" He immediately wrapped his arms around me and cried. "You freaking idiot! You could have died! And do you know how hard it was for me to hear that you were in the hospital with very little chances of surviving? Goddammit, Gon... If you felt this way, why didn't you tell me? How do you think I would have felt if you died? You're so selfish..."  
He sobbed into my shoulder even more. I could tell he was really upset by this.  
I had started to cry too. Because Killua was upset.  
"Don't ever try to do that ever again," He said, while still crying. "It's terrible to see you like this. I hate it. I would hit you for being an idiot, but it's best if I don't. I can't. Not with you like this."  
"I-I won't ever do it again," I told him.  
"Good," He said. He let go of me and looked at me. "You better recover soon, I've said this a billion times but I hate seeing you like this. I feel terrible. Terrible because I wasn't there to stop you. To pull you close to me and tell you how much I love you."  
"I will," I said. We were both starting to calm down. "But why are you here?"  
"We're visiting. We're staying until May 6th. It's a long time, I know. But I'll visit you every day," He said.  
"You don't have to, Killua-"  
"I do! Because I care about you. And I never want to see you like this ever again. I'll visit you every day until we leave. Because I love you, Gon."  
I smiled. "I love you too, Killua."  
"Killuaaaa!" A familiar voice said. "We have to go!"  
I saw Alluka enter the room. "Gon!"  
I smiled at her. "Hey, Alluka."  
"Are you okay?" She asked. "Are you sick?"  
"No, just badly injured. But I'll recover soon," I told her.  
She nodded, and then turned to Killua. "We have to go. The others are getting annoyed!"  
He laughed a bit. "I'll be there in a minute, Alluka."  
She nodded and ran off.  
"So I have to go now," He said. "But I'll visit you every day. See you later."  
"Later," I replied.  
He then walked off.  
I had finally seen Killua in person after 3 months.  
And I'd have to see him visit every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE THIS STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING I SWEAR-


	8. Chapter 8 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May 6th. Killua's leaving. Gon has fully recovered, and says goodbye to him at the airport. However, he gives Killua a gift before he leaves.

Gon had finally recovered (he recovered quicker than he was supposed to).  
We were at the airport, and he was going to say goodbye to us.  
"So you're finally leaving again, huh?" Gon asked.  
I nodded. "I wish I could stay here in Yorknew City with you, but no. It had to end."  
"This feels familiar. And I hate it," Gon said.  
"I do too, Gon." I took his hands. "Now that you've recovered, please don't do anything dangerous while I'm gone."  
He nodded. "I won't, Killua."  
"Good," I said.  
Suddenly, we went silent.  
"I realized now that you're way taller than me," I suddenly said.  
Gon laughed. "But that's fine."  
And he pulled me closer to him. "That doesn't change a thing. No matter if you're tall or short, you'll still be the same Killua I love."  
I blushed, and then pulled away. "Dammit, Gon. That's a lot of PDA we're showing here in this airport. What if someone from our school, now my old school, sees? What'll you do?"  
"If they stare, I'll flip them off. If they laugh, I'll slap them. If they try to attack us, they'll be punched by me," He said. "We don't need to care what they think."  
"Alright," I said.  
"Killua, get over here, now!" I heard Milluki yell.  
I sighed. "I gotta go."  
"Oh," Gon said. "Wait, I have to give you something."  
He pulled something out of his pocket. It was a ring.  
The ring was silver and had a light blue stone in it. The ring was designed to look like vines.  
"Now's not the time to propose, Gon," I said.  
"No, it's not that." I then noticed he had the same ring on his left hand. "Wear it. That way we'll always be with each other. And we'll never forget each other."  
"And if we break up...?" I asked.  
"That won't happen anytime soon. But if we do, somehow, we still keep the ring, that way we'll remember all the good times we had together."  
I nodded. We then kissed each other on the lips quickly and I left to get on the plane.  
I put the ring on my ring finger. The ring looked quite expensive, like was specially designed.  
I looked at the stone in the ring. It was real.  
"Holy shit," I said quietly, as I looked closer at it.  
"Killuaaaa!" Alluka said loudly. "You said a bad word!"  
I was startled. I didn't think Alluka was listening.  
"I didn't say anything," I said quickly. "You must have been hearing things."  
People were already staring.  
"No I didn't! I heard you say it! I saw you say it!" She said.  
"Alluka, please, quiet down. People are staring," I said quietly.  
She nodded.  
I could already hear people whispering.  
"Is that the Zoldyck family?"  
"How irresponsible."  
"Why are their kids already hearing bad words?"  
"Aren't they assassins?"  
"I hate them."  
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I yelled, glaring at all of them. They were scared.  
"Didn't your parents tell you it's rude to gossip?" I asked them in a stern voice.  
They nodded and quickly went back to what they were doing.  
I noticed something was in my pocket.  
It was a letter. But how did it get there?  
I unfolded it. I read some of it, and then I gasped. Horror struck me like a bolt of lightning.  
This was the suicide note.  
"Nobody cares about me.  
I'll be forgotten in time  
No matter how hard I try.  
I am a wasted life. Nobody cared anyway. This is my goodbye note.  
Retz didn't care. She wasn't there when I was shoved around and insulted by the others.  
Bisky probably never cared. She was just there to teach.  
But Killua  
He cared. He was always there for me. I was a selfish idiot. I never stopped to consider how he felt. He was the only one who cared, but he left. He had to leave. And I don't know why. He probably never cared anyway.  
His scars were deeper than mine. He had bigger problems than I did. Yet he ignored all of them and tried to fix my problems instead. He insisted on it, but really, on the inside he was hurting more than I was. And I was too selfish to realize that.  
I only realized that in our last call. He was more broken than me.  
We may have both cried ourselves to sleep, but he cried more than I did. They hit him and call him names. Because of who he is. And I never noticed.  
I wanted to be there to comfort him when he cried. To pull him close and tell him everything would be okay. But I failed to do that. Because of me, he marks his wrists with blood. Because of me, jumping off of a building was almost his last decision, but it will be my last decision. Because of me, he's broken. He's shattered. He hates himself. All because of a selfish prick like me. I didn't notice.  
Will somebody care that I am gone? Will I still be loved?  
Of course I won't. Because I'm a monster. I'm broken. I'm ready to give up.  
And now here I am. On a rooftop, ready to jump off. I know this decision will be my last. But I don't care now.  
Killua isn't here to do anything. And he won't. He won't be able to do anything about it. He can't do anything to stop me. Because he's not here.  
I'll be forgotten in time  
No matter how hard I try  
I am a wasted life. This is a goodbye note.  
Please tell Killua that I loved him.  
Tell him that I'll always watch over him, no matter what."  
I don't know how this got in my pocket, but he must have snuck it in there. Or Retz could have.  
I started crying quietly. "G-Gon..."  
Why would he have said those things?  
I know he was fine now, but why?  
What if he tries it again?  
All because I wasn't there.  
I regret everything.  
I wasn't there to stop him. To pull him into a hug and repeatedly tell him, "It'll be okay. I'm here now.". To comfort him when he was depressed.  
But I wasn't.  
I folded the note up and put it back in my pocket.  
"Killua, are you okay?" Alluka asked.  
I ignored her. "Why would he..."  
I thought about it.  
He had mentioned me several times. And he had mentioned that I couldn't do anything to stop him. He said I wasn't there.  
Was he blaming me?  
Was he right?  
Was this all my fault?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I'M SORRY  
> I'M SORRY I'M SORRY  
> I KNOW I'VE BEEN A BAD WRITER  
> FORGIVE ME PLEASE FORGIVE ME PLEASE  
> I'M RUNNING AWAY FROM THESE SALTY READERS  
> I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY  
> I KNOW I'VE BEEN A BAD WRITER  
> I'M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME  
> I HAVE SOME SORT OF OBSESSION FOR SAD KILLUGON FANFICTIONS  
> ( Insert instrumental break from I'm Sorry I'm Sorry )


	9. Chapter 9 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June 26th. Gon and Killua are done with school for the summer. And so they decide to have a call. And Gon gets a nosebleed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahyeahyeah  
> This chapter is gonna be really really gay  
> Nothing nsfw or anything  
> Just really gay

I was in my bedroom, and my backpack was on the floor.  
"Gon!" Mito called. "Did you empty out your backpack yet?"  
"Not yet," I called back. "I'll do it later!"  
No response.  
I leaned my phone against my pillow and laid on my stomach. This was much more comfortable.  
I then got a text from Killua.  
"Are you still in school?" The text read.  
I replied with, "No, school's done for me. What about you?"  
I instantly got a response. "Same here. Call?"  
I called him.  
"Yo," Killua said.  
Both of our facecams were on, but oh my god.  
Killua was wearing no shirt. His scars were still healing, but goddamn. Those muscles... And GOD. DAMN. Those abs.  
I ended up having a nosebleed and falling off of my bed.  
"Gon, are you okay?" Killua asked.  
I got up and back onto my bed. "Eheheh... Yeah... Hi."  
"Uh, Gon, your nose is bleeding," Killua pointed out the obvious. He rolled onto his stomach and I could see him lean his phone against something.  
"I know, I know," I responded. "I'll be fine, though."  
"Alright," Killua replied.   
"You share a room?" I asked.  
"Yeah," Killua answered. "I share a room with Alluka. She's sick, so I told her to try lying down and resting."  
"Ah, okay."  
" How hot is it where you are?"  
"Hot. But not as hot as you," I suddenly blurted out.   
Killua started blushing. "D-don't say that! She's still in the room, you idiot-"  
I could see Alluka immediately sit up in the background. "Hah! Gaaaaay!" She pointed at Killua and his phone.  
Killua and I immediately looked at her.  
"H-how do you know what that means?" Killua asked her, nervously.  
"My friends told me!" She smiled.  
There was an awkward silence.  
"She already made herself some new friends...?" I asked.  
"Yeah," Killua said. "Letting her go to middle school was a mistake."  
"Big brother!" She yelled. "That's mean!"  
"I was just joking, Alluka," He chuckled nervously. "Go back to rest."  
Alukka immediately lied back down.  
"But seriously, that is the cheesiest thing I've ever heard," Killua was still blushing.  
"How come you're not even wearing a shirt anyway?" I asked.  
"It's way too hot in my room," He said.   
"Probably because you're in it."  
He started blushing even more. "She's still in the room, I told you-"  
"THAT'S GAY!" Alluka yelled, while still lying down.  
"Alluka, try going to sleep," He told her.   
He sighed. "This is very difficult and very frustrating at times."  
"I can tell," I laughed.  
"Another thing that's very difficult is getting you to stop using cheesy pickup lines," He laughed.  
"Shut up," I laughed even more.  
"I don't know if I'll be able to visit you this summer, though," Killua told me.  
"That's fine," I replied. "Mito said we could visit, though."  
"Really?!" Killua smiled.  
I nodded. "Really!"  
"Great!" He said. "I'll be waiting until you do!"  
"Gon!" I heard Mito call me.  
"Hang, on, I'll be right back."  
I walked out of the room. "Yeah?!"  
"Dinner!"  
I sighed and went back into my room. "I have to go."  
"Dammit," Killua said.  
"I'll see if I can call you after," I told him.  
"Alright," Killua said. "Later."  
"Later."  
I hung up.  
At least I'd be visiting him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp*  
> A non depressing chapter?! What is this foreign object?!  
> Haha, jk. Though honestly this was really fun to write  
> Thanks for reading this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> // SLIGHT NSFW WARNING // June 29th. Gon arrives, and the Zoldyck family (surprisingly) invites him and Mito for dinner. After, Mito leaves for the hotel but Gon decides to stay, and well... Uh... Stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.  
> Okayokayokayokay.  
> 1) Warning for slightly nsfw stuff  
> 2) They're aged up, but let me just say this is NOT smut. NOT SMUT. Just slightly nsfw.  
> Tis lewd!

I was at the airport, waiting for Gon.  
He was going to arrive any minute now.  
And suddenly, someone grabbed me. "Killua!"  
It was Gon.  
I smiled. "Nice to see you too, Gon."  
He let go of me. "Mito is here too!"  
She came forward. "It's nice to see you, Killua."  
"Nice to see you too," I said, quietly.  
I then grabbed Gon's hand. "Come on, let's go! You can stay for dinner!"  
I dragged him along.  
My family looked at him with a skeptical look on their faces.  
"This... Is your boyfriend?" Illumi asked, suspiciously.  
Mito walked towards them and introduced herself.  
They then had a short conversation.  
"Yay, I'm glad we can stay for dinner!" Gon said excitedly.  
"Heh, yeah," I said.  
They got in our car, and I sat beside Gon.  
He wrapped his arms around me. "I missed you, Killua! This is going to be the best trip ever."  
"Oh, uh, yeah," I looked away nervously. "I missed you too.  
He then suddenly sniffed me. "You still smell amazing!"  
"You're weird," I said jokingly.  
After, they came over and we all had dinner.  
And after that, Mito left for a nearby hotel.  
I showed Gon around the house.  
"And this is my room," I opened the door and showed him a very large bedroom. It had a desk, and large windows.  
"Whoa," Gon said. "This room is huge!"  
"You can stay in this room with me," I told him. "We can share a bed."  
"Okay!" He responded. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he asked, "How thick are the walls?"  
"They're very thick," I said. "You could literally scream your head off and nobody would hear. Why-"  
I was interrupted by Gon kissing me and pinning me down against my bed.  
"Good," He said.  
I started blushing. "Holy shit. Gon, what are you doing?"  
"Oh, nothing too much," He said.  
He climbed onto the bed, and proceeded to kiss me again. This time, rougher. This was the first time we had kissed like this. His lips tasted amazing.  
After a few minutes, we separated, panting.  
I then flipped him over, so I was on top of him. "Heh. You thought you could stay like that?"  
We then kissed again, and I took my shirt off.  
He took his off as well.  
"Killua," He said. "How far are we going to go?"  
"Not far," I said.  
I put the sheets over us. "Are you okay with this?" I asked.  
He nodded, and flipped me over, so he was on top of me again. "Of course."  
He lowered himself. This was amazing, holy shit.  
It took all my effort to not get my nose to start gushing blood, but I managed to prevent it from happening.  
We proceeded to kiss again. Very, very roughly. Our breathing was quite rough at this point.  
He started to slowly take his pants off. And took mine off, as well.  
He started to kiss my neck, and got more aggressive. I let out a small quiet moan.  
And then somebody knocked on the door.  
We quietly stopped. And froze. This was awkward.  
"Shit, Killua," He said quietly. "I thought nobody was there."  
"Who is it?" I asked.  
"I can hear you!" Shit. It was Alluka. "Are you doing LEWD THINGS in there?!"  
"Why do you need to know?!" I asked.  
I cold hear her giggling. "Oh, I don't know. I was just curious!"  
I sighed. "How do you know so much about stuff like that, anyway?!"  
She didn't give me an answer. "Tis lewd! Now, get a room, you two!"  
She ran off laughing like crazy.  
"Alluka, do you need help? You seem quite odd," I heard Kalluto say.  
"Oh, heheh. I'm fine. Just don't go into my room, which just so happens to also be Killua's room!" She ran off laughing.  
"That's odd," Kalluto said quietly. "I wonder why."  
We were still frozen, with the covers still over us.  
He opened the door. "I wonder why-"  
He saw the clothes on the ground. "Never mind."  
He immediately slammed the door and walked off quickly.  
Gon immediately got off of me, and just laid beside me.   
"Eh, maybe let's try when there aren't any people around," I said, nervously. "But when we're older."  
He laughed. "Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heheh. Sorry for the lewd.  
> But the next chapter will be clean, I swear!


	11. Chapter 11 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June 30th. Well, this is awkward. Alluka can't stop laughing and Kalluto can't look at them the same way ever again.

I woke up. Gon was next to me. I looked on the other side. I didn't bother turning on the lamp, but I could see Alluka wasn't in her bed anymore. I looked at the clock, and it said it was 7:30 in the morning.  
Gon was still asleep. I could stare at him sleep for hours. He looked adorable when he was sleeping. Oh wait, never mind. That would be weird.  
I got up. I remember that Gon and I had gotten changed into actual clothes after, since things had gotten really awkward last night.  
"Killua?" I looked at Gon. He had just woken up.  
"I'm gonna make myself some breakfast," I told him.  
He got up as well. "Alright!"  
I went into the living room to see Alluka was already up, and she was watching her favourite TV show. And she was laughing. Which wasn't exactly appropriate for her age.  
"Alluka, why are you up so early?" I asked. "And what are you watching?"  
She immediately turned the TV off and tried to hide the TV remote from me. "What? I'm not watching anything!" She smiled innocently.  
"Yeah, sure..." I said, skeptically. "Anyway, why are you up so early?"  
"Did you have fun last night?" She asked. I sighed. I could never get an answer from Alluka.  
"Don't you dare tell mom," I said sternly. "I swear to god, Alluka."  
"Oh, don't worry!" Her "innocent" smile grew even wider.  
"Thanks, Alluka-"  
"Besiiiiiiides," She raised her voice into a yell. "Big brother, It's not like I'd tell mom you were making out with some gay boy you randomly fell in love with at school!" br /> I facepalmed. Alluka used to be so innocent, but now? She's even more troublesome than I used to be.  
I then saw my mother run down the stairs and look over. "What did I just hear about Killua making out with someone?!"  
She didn't look very happy.  
"Nothing, mom," I said. "Alluka's just trying to get me in trouble."  
"Am not!" She protested. "I'm being honest, I swear!"  
She sighed and went back upstairs.  
"I don't think mom was happy to hear that a minor like you was getting-"  
"SHHHHHUSH." I said. "Not another word, please."  
Gon looked at Alluka. "How do you even know about the birds and the bees anyway?"  
"You're not gonna get an answer from her," I told Gon.  
And I was right. He didn't.  
"Tis lewd!" She said, smiling. "Now, lemme watch my show!"  
She turned on the TV, and on the screen two boys were shown, doing some, uh, extreme romantic stuff.  
"Alluka," I said sternly.  
"I forgot about that," She said. "Oh wait, just let me watch this one part, pleeeeease! It's getting better!"  
"Alluka... Do you want me to tell mom?" I asked her.  
"No, no, no, no, no! Please no! Nope!" She immediately changed the show to the news and turned the TV off.  
I sighed. "If you mention anything about last night, I swear to god, I will-"  
She then started giggling.  
"How did you even know anyway? The walls are so thick!" Gon asked.  
"As soon as I saw the two of you go to our room, I secretly followed you and leaned up against the door, and listened. It sounded interesting, so I just ASSUMED you were-"  
"Not another word," I said. "Nope. No. Not one word from you."  
Alluka started laughing.  
And then, Kalluto came down the stairs. He saw us, and immediately turned to go back upstairs.  
"Morning, Kalluto."  
He turned around. "M-morning..."  
He seemed a bit nervous around us now. Which was unlike him. Poor kid must've been scarred for life.  
"Are you okay?" I asked.  
"Uh, yeah." He replied.  
He then got himself some cereal and started eating. He tried to avoid eye contact with me and Gon.  
"Hey, Kalluto," Alluka said.  
He looked at her. "Hm?"  
I gave her a look that said, 'don't you dare'. She replied with a devilish grin and then leaned in to whisper into his ear.  
He froze, and then looked at Gon and I, confused. We both facepalmed.  
"Nope." He took his cereal and went upstairs immediately.  
"You're not allowed eating in your room!" I yelled.  
He quickly went back downstairs, put the cereal on the table, and walked back upstairs.  
Later, when everyone of us was at the table having breakfast, I caught Kalluto staring at me. When I looked at him, he looked away immediately. Poor Kalluto. Probably scarred for life by what Alluka told him.  
Alluka was writing something, and barely eating her food. She was giggling.  
"Hey, Alluka, what are you writing?" I asked.  
"Nothing," She replied.  
I then took it from her.  
"Hey, give it back!" She tried reaching for it.  
I read part of it, and froze. I started blushing.  
"Killua, what is it?" Gon read some of it too, and started blushing as well.  
It was smut.  
I immediately gave it back to Alluka.  
"Well...?" She asked.  
"Why are you...?"  
"Well, my friends dared me to write some hot and steamy gay fanfictions, and so I did!" She smiled innocently. "Do you like it? I worked hard on it."  
"No comment," I said, and immediately went back to eating.  
Kalluto didn't respond to anything I said to him.  
"Next time, we're staying in a hotel," I said to Gon. "Because this is really awkward."  
He nodded. "Yeah."  
"We should go now."  
And so we left the table and went back into the living room to watch some TV together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, poor Killua. Poor Gon. Poor Kalluto. Goddammit, Alluka. You were so innocent.  
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> July 1st. The rest of Killua's family left to go on a trip. Except for Alluka and Kalluto. It turns out Alluka invited exactly 30 people over for a party. Oh boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAYOKAYOKAY  
> WARNING  
> WARNINGWARNINGWARNING  
> SMUTSMUTSMUTSMUT  
> TURN BACK NOW IF YOU'LL GET TRIGGERED BY THIS  
> I'M PROBS GONNA BE WRITING THE SMUT PARTS  
> BUT NSFW  
> TURN  
> BACK  
> NOW

The rest of my family decided to go on a trip. Leaving only me, Alluka, Kalluto and Gon. But I didn't care. That meant I could spend more time with Gon.  
Kalluto had been avoiding us for quite some time now.  
He refused to tell us what was wrong. I suppose it had something to do with what Alluka told him.  
Gon and I were in my house and we were watching TV with Kalluto. He didn't bother talking to us.  
He just kept looking at us. I realized he saw that my arm was around Gon so I removed my arm from Gon's shoulder.  
He looked away, and suddenly, I heard Alluka shout, "Come on in, everyone!"  
The three of us looked to see a whole crowd of people enter in. They all looked to be Alluka's age.  
"Whoa, Alluka, who are these people?!" I asked.  
"Oh! You haven't met them yet, big brother, but these are my friends!" She smiled innocently. "I forgot to tell you, but I invited them over here since we decided we were going to have a party."  
"Without my permission?! Alluka, this is out of the question!" I scolded her.  
She immediately gave me the innocent puppy eyes. I sighed. "Fine. How many people are there anyway?"  
"30!" She said.  
I froze. "30?"  
"Yup!" She smiled.  
"That's a lot of friends," Gon said.  
"No kidding," I replied.  
"Now, what game should we play??" She asked the crowd.  
"Spin the bottle!"  
"Seven Minutes In Heaven!"  
"Truth Or Dare!"  
"Or, wait..." She looked like she had a mischievous plan. "How about Spin the Bottle with a twist? You can refuse to kiss the person the bottle lands on, but if you do, you have to go into the closet in mom and dad's room and stay in there for 30 minutes!"  
"Oooooh," The crowd said.  
"Or, how about we play a game of fib finder?" Gon asked.  
I facepalmed. "Fib finder? Really, Gon? That game is so old and lame."  
"Hey!" He pouted.  
I found this adorable and laughed.  
"Nah, we'll save that for later!" Alluka said. She then got out her new phone.  
She opened an app and placed the phone on the floor. The crowd immediately gathered around it.  
She dragged me and Gon to the circle. "Nobody's sitting out!"  
After everybody sat in a large circle, she said, "I'll go first!"  
She tapped the bottle on the app and it spun. It landed on a girl next to her.  
They both started blushing.  
"Ooooh! It landed on her girlfriend!" Someone yelled.  
I froze. "Girlfriend...?"  
"Oh no," Gon said, quietly.  
"Girlfriend?!"  
Alluka and the girl immediately kissed. It was... Lewd. It lasted 5 seconds. 5 seconds of rage for me.  
"Why the hell are they-"  
"Killua, calm down," Gon said.  
"Now, it's big brother's turn!" Alluka said, pointing to me.  
"No way in hell am I doing this!" I crossed my arms.  
"Do it!" Everyone yelled. "Do it! Do it! Do it!"  
I sighed. "Fine."  
I tapped the phone, and the bottle just so happened to land on Gon. How convenient.  
"Oh! I forgot to mention. It must be LEWD." Alluka told me.  
"What?!" I got even madder by this. "Alluka, we don't want anybody to get too carried away!"  
"But you and Gon were a few nights ago!" She yelled.  
"Ooooooooooh!" The crowd said. I started blushing.  
"That's none of your business!"  
"Sooooo~?"  
"No!" I said. "I'm not doing it!"  
"Alright! To mom and dad's room!"  
"Wait, what?!"  
The crowd shoved me and Gon into our mother and father's room, and into a small closet.  
"Hang on, we're not supposed to use this room when we have guests over!" I reminded Alluka.  
"They're away! They won't know!" She slammed the door closed. When I tried to open it, I could feel people pushing against it.  
"30 minutes! Has to be lewd! You can go as far as you want!" Alluka yelled. She started giggling.  
"Hell no!" I yelled.  
"Or else we'll keep you in there for the rest of the night!" Alluka replied.  
"The rest of the night?! I'll tell mom and dad if you do!" I protested.  
"You wouldn't," She said. "Now, 30 minutes! Tis lewd!"  
"There's no way I'm doing this," I said to Gon.  
"But we'll be trapped in here forever!" Gon said.  
"Yeah, but-"  
"Or... Why don't we just sit and talk?"  
Alluka pounded against the door. "YOU CAN'T JUST SIT AND TALK! YOU HAVE. TO. DO. LEWD THINGS!" Each word was emphasized with a pound.  
"Oh, god," I said.  
"What'll we do now-"  
I grabbed him and pulled him close. We kissed.  
I was blushing like crazy at this point. Gon probably was too. But it was dark, so we couldn't tell.  
"A-ah, Killua-"  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"  
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I yelled to them.  
"Big brother!"  
I ignored Alluka and started kissing Gon's neck, and he released a few small moans.  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" The crowd yelled.  
"Eheheh, might as well remove the 30 minutes~" I heard Alluka say.  
"DON'T YOU DARE, ALLUKA."  
"Removing 30 minute timer!" She announced. "We'll release you when we think we should!"  
I sighed. "Might as well continue."  
We continued, and started to undress. I undid The belt on Gon's pants.  
"Killua, should we really do this?" He asked.  
"Only if you want," I said.  
He nodded and got on top of me. He undid my pants and we took them off.  
"OOOOOOO-"  
"Wait, guys, shhhhhhh! Things are getting exciting!"  
I ignored the people.  
"Are you fine with this, Killua?" He asked.  
"For the last time, YES!"  
And he did. He thrusted into me. I felt pain; but also pleasure, at the same time.  
I let out a few moans. I could feel it- It was one of the best feelings I've ever felt.  
My heart was pounding. I was sweating as it got more and more intense.  
My breathing went heavier and heavier.  
"F-faster, please, Gon," I said.  
"A-alright," He whispered.  
He started thrusting faster. I tightened the grip on his neck.  
"A-ah, yes," I moaned.  
Our body temperatures were rising. I felt the end coming closer and closer.  
I came, and shortly after, he came inside of me.  
The people were talking and whispering.  
"ALLUKA, TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO SHUT THE HELL UP!" I yelled.  
"Alright! You may come out whenever you wish!"  
The closet was dark.  
But now quite sticky.  
"Yeah, we'll explain later."  
We tried to put our clothes back on (which was hard in the dark) and we stumbled out of the closet.  
"Alright! Now, let's continue and just party on!" Alluka said. The people cheered.  
I was still blushing. I looked at Gon. He was blushing.  
"This is crazy. I'm going back to our room," I grabbed Gon's hand and dragged him up the stairs.  
"But wait! What about that game of fib finder?!" Gon asked.  
"It was a lie!" Alluka replied.  
When we went back upstairs, we immediately sat down.  
"Goddammit, I'm so mad right now," I said.  
"Why?" Gon asked.  
"WHY DOES ALLUKA HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?! SHE'S ONLY 12!" I slammed my fist into a pillow.  
"Maybe she's just... Experimenting?" Gon shrugged.  
"Experimenting?!" I got even madder. "She never told me anyway!"  
I immediately noticed something move.  
I looked in the right corner. It was Kalluto.  
He was curled up in the corner shaking.  
After, I heard people leaving. "Thanks for coming, everyone!"  
Alluka then burst into the room with the girl she was kissing.  
"Anywaaaay! I didn't get to introduce you to my girlfriend!" She smiled. "This is Tiffany!"  
"Hi," She said. She had blonde hair, and she was quite short compared to Alluka.  
"Shouldn't she be getting home?" Gon asked.  
"Nah, she's gonna be staying for the night!"  
I froze. "For... The night...?!"  
"Killua, don't get mad," Gon put his arm around me. "Take a deep breath."  
Alluka nodded. "For the night!"  
"But we don't have any spare beds!"  
"Oh, that won't be a problem!" Alluka said. "We'll share my bed!"  
I sighed. "Fine. Only sleeping. Nothing else."  
"Says you!"  
I almost went into assassin mode at that. "What?"  
"You're 15 and you did-"  
"Shush," I said. I took a deep breath. "I won't tell mom and dad about the party if you don't tell them about what happened. Got it?"  
She nodded. "Okay, big brother!"  
Gon and I just laid down on our bed, and listened to Tiffany and Alluka have their conversation.  
"So, have you told your parents yet, Tiff?"  
"About what?"  
"About us!"  
"Oh, not yet. Have you?"  
"Nope! Not yet! Although I might tell them soon."  
"Won't they be mad at you? They don't seem very friendly..."  
"No, it'll be fine! Besides, they only ever told me 'no boyfriends' after big brother told them that I wanted to be a girl. I mean, they got used to calling me by female pronouns, though. They didn't say anything about girlfriends, though!"  
"Oh," I could hear them both giggling.  
"We're going to bed," I told them. "Don't stay up too late, okay?"  
"Okay!" Alluka said.  
And after a while, they both fell asleep.  
"Killua?"  
I looked at Gon. "Yeah?"  
"Do you regret anything?" He asked, whispering.  
"H-honestly, no," I said, blushing. "N-not really."  
"HA!"  
Dammit. Alluka and Tiffany weren't actually asleep.  
"I knew it!" Alluka laughed. Tiffany laughed too.  
"So you weren't asleep!" I was boiling with rage at this point.  
"I'm telling mom and dad!" Alluka said. They were both laughing so hard that they were crying at this point.  
"Don't you dare, Alluka," I said.  
They continued laughing.  
"Actually, I'm sleeping on the couch," I said, getting up and going downstairs.  
"Wait, Killua!" Gon followed me.  
I could still hear the two laughing.  
Gon and I both managed to fit on the couch.  
"This is better," I said.  
"Much better," Gon said. "Good night, Killua."  
I smiled. "Good night, Gon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY  
> I'M SORRY  
> I KNOW I AM A BAD WRITER  
> FORGIVE ME PLEASE  
> FORGIVE ME PLEASE  
> I'M RUNNING AWAY FROM THESE ANGRY FANS  
> I'M SORRY  
> I'M SORRY  
> I KNOW I'VE BEEN A BAD WRITER  
> FORGIVE ME PLEASE  
> FORGIVE ME PLEASE  
> I SHOULD REALLY START WRITING SOMETHING OTHER THAN THESE FANFICTIONS-  
> *instrumental break*


	13. Chapter 13 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> July 2nd. Killua and Gon decide to walk along the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yEAHYEAHYEAH IK I SAID I WOULD NEVER PUBLISH ANY CHAPTER THAT HAD SMUT IN IT  
> BUT LIKE  
> IN MY DEFENSE I WAS REALLY TIRED  
> AND Y'ALL KNOW I DO SOME STRANGE SHIT WHEN I'M TIRED SO YEAH :'>  
> THIS CHAPTER ISN'T GONNA BE SMUTTY OR NSFW AT ALL OK  
> KEEP READING

I woke up on the couch in Killua's living room. He was still sleeping. He looked so adorable when he was asleep. Not that he wasn't already, but he'd kill me if he heard me say that.  
I got up slowly. I didn't want to wake him up accidentally.  
Too late. He woke up.  
"Good morning, Killua!" I smiled at him.  
"Morning..." He got up slowly. He looked tired as hell.  
"By the way, I think Alluka is still-"  
He immediately woke up entirely. "IS HER GIRLFRIEND STILL HERE...?"  
Oh boy. I shouldn't have said anything.  
"Shhh, Killua!" I said. "You don't want to wake them up."  
"Too late!"  
We looked to see Tiffany and Alluka on the staircase. They immediately ran down.  
"Good morning!" They both smiled.  
"Good morning," I said to them.  
Killua cleared his throat. "Morning."  
"We were already awake!" Alluka said. "What do you need?"  
"Just wondering," Killua said. "How did you meet?"  
"Oh, well, we were paired up for an assignment during Science, and then we started hanging out! Well, and then I realized I was a lesbian," Alluka giggled. "And then she confessed after a month."  
Her girlfriend kissed her on the cheek. I could see Killua shaking with rage.  
"Why are you so mad, big brother?" Alluka asked curiously. "You have a boyfriend, so why can't I have a girlfriend? Besides, last night in the closet you and Gon-"  
"I thought we weren't going to mention that," Killua immediately started blushing. It was adorable.  
"Oooooh!" She said. "So you enjoyed being in the closet with Gon?"  
"Oh really, now?" I asked.  
"Shut up! I-It's not like that at all, you idiot!" He looked away from me. "N-not at all!"  
I laughed. "You're so adorable when you're embarrassed!"  
"I-I'm not embarassed! What the hell are you talking about?" He protested.  
I let out another small laugh and kissed him on the cheek.  
Tiffany and Alluka looked at each other, and yelled, "SHIP!"  
They immediately ran upstairs.  
"What are you doing?!" Killua asked.  
"Just drawing some ship art and writing some more smut!" She said.  
"I thought you weren't going to write anymore?" He asked.  
"Nope!" She yelled. I could hesr the two of them laughing.  
He sighed. "This is very difficult, you know. She used to be so innocent but now she's probably far from that."  
"I guess that's just what happens," I said.  
"We should get changed," Killua said. "We can go out somewhere."  
"Alright," I said. We went upstairs.  
The door was closed.  
Killua knocked. "Open the door. We need to get changed."  
"Shit," Alluka said.  
"Excuse me?!" I could tell Killua was getting frustrated. "I'm pretty sure I told you how bad it was to swear!"  
"But you say it all the time!" She said.  
He facepalmed. "Just, please, let us in?"  
"Alright!" She opened the door and let us in. She and Tiffany ran downstairs with a notebook.  
"Anyway, you go outside until I finish changing," Killua said.  
"But why?" I asked.  
"What do you mean, why?!" He asked. "Just go!"  
"Alright, alright," I waited outside.  
When he was in the middle of changing, I opened the door and said, "By the way, I'd tap that." and then closed it.  
I could hear him sigh. "I KNOW you would. And you already have!"  
I laughed. "I know."  
After he was done changing, he walked out and said, "There. Now you go change."  
I went inside and closed the door, and got changed.  
After I got changed, I opened the door. And then Killua shoved a chocorobo in my face. "Take it."  
"Thanks, Killua," I said. "How many chocorobos do you even have?"  
"I had 360, until Alluka and Tiffany stole some. And now I only have 69 left."  
I laughed.  
"What?"  
"Why 69? Were they trying to tell you something?"   
We both started laughing.  
"Anyway, we should get going," I said.  
And so we did.  
When we got there, we walked along the shore. The sun was shining bright.  
I looked at Killua. He already looked like he was tired.  
"Are you tired already?" I asked.  
"Yeah, but we can keep-"  
I picked him up. "There."  
He started blushing. "E-eh?! You don't have to carry me!"  
"But you said you were tired!" I said.  
"Well, yeah, but you don't HAVE to!" He argued.  
"But nobody's here!"  
He sighed. "Fine, fine."  
I smiled. "You're so adorable when you blush, Killua!"  
"N-no I'm not!" He protested.   
"Yes you are!" I said. "And you can't argue."  
He rolled his eyes. "Fiiiiine."  
After a while, he said, "You can put me down now."  
"What, why?" I asked.  
He jumped out of my arms. "Because."  
"But I liked carrying you, Killua!" I said.  
"You're so embarrassing sometimes," He looked away, embarrassed.  
"But I'm telling the truth!" I told him.   
"And the truth is embarrassing," He said.   
"But I love you, Killua!" I replied.  
He sighed. "What? I couldn't hear you!"  
"I love you, Killua," I repeated.  
He sighed. "I love you too, Gon."  
I kissed him on the cheek.  
"I wish I could stay with you forever," He said. "I-I mean, not that it was MY decision to wish for that!"  
"Same here," I said. "But we'll always be together!"  
He nodded. "No matter how far apart we are."  
"We'll always be with each other," I continued.  
"Forever and ever," We both said.  
"Hey, wanna make out now?"  
"W-what?!"  
"I said, do you wanna make out now?"  
"Way to ruin the moment, Gon."  
We both laughed and walked farther along the shore together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna publish this yesterday but my iPad decided to be a jerk and it crashed :'>  
> But anyway  
> Thanks for reading!!


	14. Chapter 14 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 1st. Gon left on August 20th and is back in Yorknew City, and he's glad to be back, but then he worries about Killua.

I was back in Yorknew City again.  
It was great to be back and all, but I already missed Killua.  
Speaking of Killua- Oh crap.  
I knew he had been depressed whenever I wasn't there. And I had spent the whole summer with him and he seemed fine. But was he going to be fine now that I was gone?  
Before I decided to visit, he was self harming. He had cripping depression. But then when I visited, he was suddenly okay.  
Did I really affect him that much?  
It was after school (school always started on the first of September here in Yorknew) and I was waiting for a message from Killua.  
Unless he didn't have school yet.  
I then heard a sound come from my phone.  
It wasn't him. But it was Alluka.  
"Gon, something's wrong with big brother..." It said.  
I instantly replied. "What? Is he okay?"  
"No... He scratches his wrists and ankles with his sharp nails and makes his wrists bleed and sometimes he tries to sneak into mom and dad's alcohol cabinet... And he cries... A lot... Ever since you left..."  
"Did he try to do anything dangerous?" I asked her."  
"He talks about it... And it's scaring me..."  
"I'll talk to him, okay? Don't be scared." I replied. Which was funny of me to say, since I was scared now. Scared that Killua wasn't safe.  
"Okay..."  
And then I got a notification. I looked to see that Killua had messaged me.  
"Yo. Has school already started for you? Or is it after school for you?"  
I quickly replied.  
"School's over now! What about you?"  
"Same. How was your day?"  
"It was great. But I already miss yooooouuuu!" I typed a lot of o's and u's in that message.  
"I do too. I don't think you'd wanna hear about my day though." His reply read.  
"Tell me! I need to know how you're doing and all!" I replied.  
"*sigh* I got beaten up again. They noticed my cuts and teased me about them. But hey not like there's anything I can do now, right?"  
I could feel myself shaking with anger. How dare they?!  
"What? Why?!"  
"Whatever. Call?" He asked.  
I decided to call him.  
My facecam was on, and so was his.  
"K-Killua!" I noticed the cuts on his face and the bruises. "Are you okay?"  
And he was wearing... A long sleeve shirt. Well, it was the turtleneck shirt he usually wore, but why still during Summer?  
"No," He said, in a quiet and shaky voice. "No, I'm not."  
"Killua..."  
"I don't like it. I don't like not having you with me. I don't like them punching me and shoving me against the lockers." His voice was raspy and quiet. It wasn't like him.  
"But you don't need to know about me. What about you?"  
"I do need to know about you! You're the only thing important to me!"  
He let out a harsh, quiet laugh. "And who says that? Apparently your own needs are overrated now," He said sarcastically.  
"I do! Because I think about you all the time! And I worry that you're not safe or okay!"  
"Well... You're wasting time caring about me," He told me, in a bitter but still quiet and broken voice. "You don't need to. You need to care about yourself."  
"Again, I do," I argued.  
"But why?! It doesn't matter, Gon. My emotions don't and never will be relevant to you."  
"Because I love you."  
"But why?! Why do you love me?! Do you know how bad of a person I am?!" He yelled.  
"I love you because you're... You. I don't care if you're a bad person or not. You always care about me and whenever I'm depressed you try to make me feel better. And I'm concerned for you as much as you are for me. And I'll always care about you. No matter what you say or do to me, I'll still love you. Even if you kill me."  
"G-Gon," He started to tear up. "Why are you doing this? You neglect your own needs just for me, and I don't get it. Why? You're more important than I am."  
"You only think that because you let those... Those JERK FACES bully you! They're making you think that way!"  
He laughed bitterly. "Yeah right."  
"And I know I can't be with you now, and I can't be there to comfort you, but I'm still always there for you!" I told him. "And I don't care if you're not there for me. All that matters is that you're safe and well."  
"And all that matters to ME is that YOU are safe and YOU actually take care of yourself," He said.  
"Don't neglect your own needs for me," I said to him. "You need to stay alive too."  
"Ha, that's funny," He replied. "I don't. This place is horrible. This world is horrible. And the only light I have is you. If you neglect your needs, and you die, my light will be gone. And you can't be there with me."  
"No, you do. Killua, I need to ask you something," I said. "And I need you to answer honestly."  
"Well, okay," He replied. "What is it, Gon?"  
"Have you been cutting?"  
He froze.  
"Answer honestly, please."  
"I-I..."  
"You have, haven't you?"  
"Um.."  
"Have you been drinking?"  
"How do you know about that...?" He asked, quietly, unable to believe that I knew what was going on.  
"That would explain why you're wearing long sleeves on a hot summer day," I explained. "And Alluka told me."  
"Alluka... Told...?" He didn't finish his sentence.  
"She told me. She told me about your cuts. And told me that you drink," I said. "Please, Killua. I'll try to help you the best I can and I'll do anything to help, even if it puts me in danger, but please. Get help. It hurts me to see you hurt like this."  
He sniffed. "Gon, there's nothing you or anybody else can do to help me."  
"I'll still try, though," I said. "And I'll talk to you every day. Please don't cut or drink anymore. Or I'll be hurt even more."  
"Alright," He said, quietly. "I will. I'll get help. And I'll stop."  
"Good," I said. "Don't listen to the bullies. They're just jealous that they can't be as amazing as you."  
"Ha, thanks I guess," He replied.  
"But seriously," I said. "You're the most amazing and beautiful person I've ever met."  
"Yeah right," He said. "But thanks, again."  
"You better believe it," I told him. "Because it's true. And I promise, during Winter Break, I'll visit you. You still have the ring, right? You know, the ring I gave you?"  
"Yes," He answered. "I haven't taken it off ever since."  
"Me either," I said. "New rule, we can't take it off unless we break up. But that will never happen."  
"I'll still keep the ring, you know," He replied.  
"I would too."  
I looked at the clock.  
"Dammit, I need to do my homework," I said. "And Mito hates when I talk while doing my homework."  
"Aw, dammit," He said.  
"I love you, Killua," I told him.  
"I love you too, Gon," He replied.  
We both smiled.  
"Forever and ever."  
And then the call ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL  
> LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED :'>  
> *insert Gomen Ne, Gomen Ne here*


	15. Chapter 15 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 30th of previous year. A flashback to Killua and Gon's first dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> NSFW  
> SMUT  
> WARNINGWARNINGWARNING  
> TURN BACK NOW  
> Oh and btw if you didn't read the DAMN SUMMARY this is a flashback so yeah :>

I remember the first dance we went to like it was yesterday.

I watched as my boyfriend, Killua, put his backpack near the entrance. He and I were both wearing suits; however, in my opinion, he looked better wearing one.  
"Damn, Killua," I said. "You're looking fine."  
"Oh, shut up!" He joked, laughing. There was a light shade of pink tinted on his cheeks already.  
There were two people in the entrance. They were there to guard peoples' stuff and take tickets.  
"Tickets?" They asked.  
We gave them our tickets, and they opened the door.  
We walked into the gym.  
"Whoa," We said, in unison.  
"Hey, you're staying at my place after, right? You know, for a sleepover," I asked.  
"Mhm!" The white haired boy nodded in response.  
The lights were flashing so quickly they could put anybody into a seizure. And the music was earrape. But we didn't care.  
"Let's go to the snacks area!" I said, grabbing Killua's hand and dragging him over there.  
We both got some punch, and after taking a sip, I said, "Something about this punch tastes off." I shrugged and just drank it.  
"This punch tastes great," He instantly filled his cup even more, all the way to the brim.  
I looked around and saw my friend Retz standing at the very back.  
"I'm gonna go to the back," I told him, pointing.  
"K!" He continued to fill his cup again and again, drinking every single refill with one gulp.  
I went to the back. "Hey, Retz!"  
She saw me and smiled. "Hey, Gon!"  
I took another sip of my punch.  
"You're gonna drink that?" She asked.  
"Yeah, why?" I asked, with a confused expression on my face.  
"One of the stupid kids put some alcohol in that, you know." I instantly spit it out after hearing. "What?!"  
"It's true," She said, taking out a stick of gum, unwrapping it and chewing it. "Disgusting, I know."  
"Well, I can't let it go to waste," I replied, and took another sip.  
Killua then slid next to me, and whispered in my ear, "Goddamn, you are so fucking hot in that suit, did I tell you? After this is over, let's go to your place and fuck."  
I sputtered and choked on my drink. After a minute, I asked, "Killua, how much did you drink?"  
"A lot," He replied. "Problem?"  
"Oh, uh, no! Just wondering," I replied.  
"Yeah, that is why I'm staying away from the punch," Retz said.  
"Anywaaaaay," He put his arm around me. I could smell the stench of alcohol in his breath. "Let's go fuck now."  
"Killua, no," I said. "Not now, there are people!"  
"Pleeeeeease?" He asked.  
"No!" I answered once more.  
"Fiiiiiiine," He said.  
"But I thought you were immune to-"  
"Yeaaaaaaah, whatevs," He interrupted. "That doesn't mean I can't still get drunk or high as hell..."  
He then passed out.  
"Oh shit," I said, and picked him up.  
"You can take him to the medical office," Retz told me. "They're there just in case something happens."  
I nodded and said, "Thanks."  
I then carried him all the way to the medical office.  
When I got there, I told them what happened. They examined him and they told me, "He's fine, he just probably consumed something that made him sick."  
Yeah, like the alcohol. I nodded. "I'm gonna stay here with him."  
After a while, he woke up.  
"Hey, babe," I said. "How are you feeling?"  
"I feel dead," He said.  
"Probably the alcohol," I said.  
"There was alcohol in the punch?" He asked.  
"Yeah," I replied. "Which was why I didn't want you to drink it."  
"Ohhhh," He said. "Yolo, I guess."  
I facepalmed.  
"Anywaaaay, I feel like I'll be fine," He got up and stumbled a bit. I helped him walk, and we went back into the gym.  
We danced for a bit and when the slow music played, he asked, "What's this?"  
"The slow dance, I think," I replied.  
"Oh," He said.  
"Sooooo?" I asked. "Wanna dance?"  
He blushed. "Idiot! There are still people here! What if someone notices?"  
"Oh please! You didn't seem to care when you were horny as fuck earlier!" I said, jokingly.  
"Wait, was that....?"  
"That was before you passed out," I told him.  
"Ohhhh, I remember now," He said. "But that was when I was drunk as hell! I still feel slightly-"  
"Are we going to dance or not?" I asked.  
"Sure," He said.  
We slow danced for a while, and then after it ended, we decided to leave. And Mito was waiting.  
"Hang on," Killua said. Killua went back to the snacks area, and when he came back, he had some punch.  
"Killua..." I said.  
He drank all of it in one gulp and then threw the cup away. "That's better!"  
He grabbed his backpack and we left.  
We got in the car, and buckled our seatbelts.  
"Did you have fun?" Mito asked.  
"Yup!" I answered.  
Killua leaned against me.  
I kissed his forehead.  
When we got back, we went to my room, and then I asked, "What do you wanna do now?"  
He then kissed me. It got even more rough, and when we separated, we were panting.  
"Killua..."  
"Fuck me."  
"Killua, are you okay?" I asked.  
"Oh, yeah, I'm fiiiiiine," The alcohol was starting to kick in now.  
Well, I had never thought of it this way, but what better to do it when he's really drunk? Normal Killua would kick me if I asked.  
He took off his blazer, undid his tie and unbuttoned some of his shirt. He then pinned me against the mattress. "Weeeeelll?"  
We started to undress. I turned him over and pulled the covers over us.  
"Are you sure you want to do this, Killua?" I asked.  
"Why the fuck are you asking," He said.  
I started to thrust into him.  
"Ngh," He then let out a moan.  
I kissed him on the lips and we continued.  
"A-ah, faster," He moaned.  
I started going faster..  
"Ngh, yes, fucking god, yes, a-ah," He moaned once more.  
And then he came, and shortly after I did too.  
And after, we were lying next to each other. In bed. Naked.  
"Night, Killua," I said.  
"Good night, Gon," He replied.  
And then we both fell asleep.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
BONUS

In the morning, I woke up. And so did he.  
"W-wha, what happened?" He asked, confused. "Why are we-"  
"Wellllllll, funny story," I began. "You got really drunk and you wanted to fuck, and you were really horny so we did."  
He facepalmed. "Why the hell did you let drunk me get away with that?"  
"Because drunk Killua is adorable!" I said. "And I have to admit, it was a better time to do so anyway... You would have punched me if I asked when you weren't drunk."  
He sighed. "Whatever. No regrets I guess."  
We sat there awkwardly.  
"I feel so fucking sick right now," He said.  
"Ohhh, you probably have a hangover or something," I said.  
"Oh."  
More awkward silence.  
"Breakfast?" I asked.  
"Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOPSIES I'VE SINNED


	16. Chapter 16 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 10th. Killua's condition is getting worse and worse. Gon is losing his mind worrying over his suicidal boyfriend, who seems to be losing himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY  
> THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS ARE GONNA BE GON'S POV  
> BC HIS BIRTHDAY IS IN A FEW DAYS  
> OH AND BTW THIS CHAPTER IS ALSO RLY DEPRESSING SO YEAH

I slammed my backpack on the dining room table and ran upstairs.  
I had forgotten my phone at home, so I was excited to talk to Killua.  
Until I saw the message.  
"Gon... Why the hell do you love me...? I'm worthless... Nobody cares... My hands are shaking... And I don't know what to do... I just want to end it all..."  
I immediately sat down on my bed and replied to him. "What?! Killua, I care. You're not worthless. Okay, what are you holding right now?"  
I waited a few minutes and then I got a response.  
"Pills..."  
I immediately went into panic mode.  
"Killua, put the pills down!" I messaged him.  
No response.  
"KILLUA, DON'T DO THIS!"  
"KILLUA, PLEASE DON'T DO IT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU!"  
"NO, NO, NO... KILLUA ARE YOU THERE?!"  
I started crying out of panic and frustration.  
I felt worthless and stupid. My boyfriend was trying to kill himself and I couldn't do anything. So. Fucking. Worthless. Of me.  
"KILLUA, PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF!"  
And then I got a reply.  
"I'm sorry... The deed is done. If I survive this, I'll never do it again. Goodbye."  
I started sobbing.  
"Killua... No... Please don't! Please tell me this is just a prank!" I replied in panic.  
"It isn't. Goodbye." Was his response.  
I immediately started sobbing and kept trying to call him.  
"Please pick up, please pick up..." I said to myself, through sobs.  
I probably tried calling him 26 times that day. I was panicking.  
That was the only thing I could do.  
I threw my phone across the room and sobbed into my pillow.  
Killua was going to kill himself.  
And it was all my fault.  
I wasn't there to stop him.  
And here I am, hopelessly crying into my pillow.  
I walked downstairs.  
And Mito was there.  
"Gon, are you okay?" She asked.  
"Mito... What do I do...?" I asked her.  
"What do you mean?" Was her response.  
"Killua's trying to kill himself by overdosing..." I said through sobs.  
She tried to comfort me and calm me down. She let me vent to her and after a while, she hugged me. "I'm sure Killua's going to be fine, Gon. I'm sure he'll get better soon..."  
After an hour, I decided to check on my phone.  
I saw a reply.  
"Gon... I'm still here. I don't know what I was thinking. But the pills are out now. I forced myself to purge them. I passed out for a while, but then I kinda woke up and realized what just happened. And then I forced myself to get the pills out."  
I was still sobbing like crazy.  
I knew I could barely talk, but I decided to call him anyway.  
He picked up. But neither of our facecams were on. We decided not to turn them on.  
"Gon, I'm sorry," Was the first thing he said.  
And I was crying a river at this point.  
"What the hell were you thinking?" I asked him, in a quiet voice.  
"I don't know..." He admitted. "I didn't think you cared... And I was wrong..."  
"Are you fucking kidding me...?" I asked. "I was panicking when you told me what you were going to do... Crying... Screaming..."  
"Again... I'm sorry, Gon..." He apologized once more. "I'll never try that again..."  
"I'm just glad you're safe," I told him. "If you dare do that again, I'll kill you, and then I'll kill myself."  
"Gon... Again... I'm sorry. So... Fucking... Sorry..." He started to sob too. "I'm sorry that I made you so upset... For being a burden..."  
"Don't apologize... You have no idea... How mad I am... At you..." I responded. "But I still love you..."  
"I love you too... And I'll never do that again..." He said.  
"You better not..." I said to him.  
"I won't..." He cried.  
"Now... I have to go," I told him. "I have to do my homework... I promise I'll call you again after..."  
I could hear a sniff from his side of the phone. "Okay..."  
And then I hung up and went downstairs to get my stuff.  
"Is he okay?" Mito asked.  
I sniffed and nodded.  
"See? I told you he'd be alright," She said to me.  
"Yeah," I replied. I took my homework and went upstairs to do it.  
Although... I couldn't help but worry even more about Killua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so  
> Can I just say now...  
> I honestly have experienced this before.  
> I once found myself in Gon's position and it's not something I'd joke about.  
> My friend once tried to do exactly what Killua did.  
> And the message he sent me did say exactly that.  
> I remember just going into full panic mode and crying and sobbing. And then I felt stupid because I couldn't do anything. But I didn't talk to my parents, I talked to my friends. And they made me feel better.  
> And yes, he was safe and is okay right now.  
> So, if you find yourself in Gon or Killua's position... Talk to someone. Please.  
> Thank you.


	17. Chapter 17 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 20th. Killua is still depressed so Gon tries to make him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL IT'S GON'S BIRTHDAY TODAY  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY KID

I laid down on my back on top of my pillow, holding my phone and waiting for a response from Killua.  
I had been waiting for a while, but then I remember we had an early dismissal earlier.  
My phone vibrated, which startled me and I dropped my phone on my face.  
"Oww," I groaned. I held my phone back up and I looked at our conversation so far.  
"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" Was what I messaged him.  
"Depressed. Suicidal." Was his response.  
"Why? You know that what they say isn't true." I replied.  
"I highly doubt it, though... Call?" He asked me.  
I pressed the call button and I rolled onto my stomach. My arms were already getting tired.  
Our facecams were both on this time.  
But I could see Killua's wrists bleeding. He looked tired and his eyes were red and puffy.  
"Yo," He said. His voice was raspy and quiet.  
"Killua, I thought you promised you would stop cutting!" I scolded him.  
"Ugh, I know, I know. I just felt really depressed, though so I ended up breaking that promise," He said, in a guilty tone.  
"Go bandage your wrists. I'll wait for you. Please?" I asked him.  
"Fine," He walked out of the room.  
After a few minutes, he came back with both of his wrists wrapped in bandages.  
"There, happy?" He asked.  
"I'm just concerned for you, Killua," I said. "You know I love you."  
"I love you too," He replied. "I just feel... Depressed. Suicidal again."  
"You're getting help... Right?" I asked him.  
"Uh, yeah," I could tell he was lying. Killua was a terrible liar.  
"I know you're lying," I told him.  
"Well, no," He answered truthfully. "I don't care. Venting to a stranger I don't know about my problems doesn't seem like a good idea to me."  
"But Killua, people care about you!" I said.  
"Yeah right!" He wiped his eyes. "That's a lie. A big load of bullcrap. Not true at all."  
"I care about you!" I said.  
"There's nothing to love about me," He said. "I'm terrible inside and out. I look stupid as fuck, and I'm a terrible person. And there's nothing you can say otherwise! What is there to even love about me?!"  
He was starting to raise his voice into a yell.  
"You can try convincing me that I'm wrong, but that's not gonna work," I told him. "You might not be perfect, but- dammit, that's bullshit. You're perfect to me. You're the most amazing person to ever exist in this messed up world."  
"Yeah right! Try telling that to the kids who beat me up everyday and yell at me for being myself!" He screeched at me. "Give up, Gon. There's nothing to love about me."  
"But I love everything about you," I said. "Your hair, your skin, your eyes, your flaws, everything. You're just so... Perfect in a way that even words can't describe."  
"That's a funny joke," He said.  
"I'm being dead serious!" I said. "You really are special! Your eyes are beautiful and remind me of an ocean. I thought you were an angel at first glance. You always get so embarrassed whenever I start getting romantic with you, and I find that adorable. I'm such a selfish person, yet you still help me through everything. And that's why I love you."  
He started blushing.  
"I love you too," He said. "Even though your pick up lines are cheesy and you seem so concerned about me all the time. I mean, that's what I love about you. But if I was asked to list everything I loved about you, I'd be there forever."  
There was then an awkward silence.  
I didn't know what to say, when I suddenly blurted out a pickup line.  
"Are there eight planets? Because I'm about to destroy Uranus," I blurted out.  
Killua laughed.  
"Oh my fucking god," He said. "This is what I'm talking about.  
"Hey, are you my homework?" I started. "Because I want to slam you on a table and do you all night."  
He laughed even more.  
"I can't fucking breathe," He tried to say. "That is so fucking cheesy, I can't even right now."  
"You know, food won't be the only thing inside of you tonight," I said. "Oh shit, that wasn't really a good one."  
"Are any of yours really good ones?" He asked. "They're fucking trash, but that's fine, since I'm trash too."  
"If you're trash, can I take you out?" I said yet another pickup line.  
"As if!" He joked.  
"Wow, rejected by my own boyfriend and I wasn't even being serious," We both laughed.  
"I feel somewhat better now," He said. "Thanks."  
I smiled. "You're welcome."  
"I miss you."  
"I miss you too."  
"Hey, will you be able to visit during Christmas?" I asked.  
He nodded. "Yeah. Or at least, I hope so."  
"I love you," I said.  
"I love you too."  
"Forever and ever?"  
"Forever and ever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Announcement: Durdurdurdurdurrrrr  
> I have a Tumblr!  
> My tumblr is yutou-dakota, and you can talk to me on there.  
> You can ask me questions about the fanfic, or other stories. So yeah!  
> And thanks for reading!! ^^


	18. Chapter 18 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October 12th. Killua really needs to put a passcode on his phone.

I was at the table eating dinner with my family.  
Sometimes they were assholes, sometimes they were somewhat decent.  
I realized my phone was missing.  
"Where's my phone?" I asked, looking for my phone.  
"Killua," Dad said. "No electronics at the table-"  
"Oh, you mean this?"  
Oh no.  
Alluka had my phone.  
She held it up. "Thiiiiiiiiis?"  
"Alluka, give that back, please!" I said, trying to reach for it. However, she was on the other side of the table.  
"Killua, no reaching," Mother said.  
"Oh, what's this?" She opened something. "Your texts with Gon?"  
"Oh my god, Alluka, please no," I said. "Give that back to me."  
"Come on, big brother, it's not like there's anything inapropriate here, right?" She read through the messages.  
"Please give that back," I could already feel my face going red.  
"Oooooh! Bad pickup lines? Oh, what's this that you sent to Gon?" She decided to read it out loud. "HEY, ARE THOSE CLOTHES 50% OFF? BECAUSE AT MY PLACE THEY'LL BE 100% OFF-"  
"Oh my god, no, no, no," I panicked and tried to get my phone back. "Give that back now."  
I could see the rest of my family looking at me with disappointment.  
"Killua..." My parents said in unison with obvious shame.  
"MY COUCH PULLS OUT, BUT I DON'T," She read another one of my texts.  
My face probably went even redder at that point.  
"Nononononono," I said in a panic.   
"Waitwaitwait, lemme read just one more," She said. "Ahem. ARE YOU AN ARCHAEOLOGIST? BECAUSE I'VE GOT A BONE FOR YOU TO EXAMINE. And big brother did sent all of these!"  
"NONONONONONONO," I yelled. I leaped out of my seat and walked over to the other side of the table.  
Alluka jumped out of her seat and ran upstairs.  
"Fuck," I said.  
"Killua, go to your room," Dad said. "You're grounded."  
"What? Why?" I asked.  
"Using dirty pickup lines isn't encouraged in this house," He said. "Go to your room."  
"Even when you're extremely turned on by your boyfriend and can't help it?" I asked.  
"Just go to your room," Mother said.  
I sighed. "Alright then."  
I went to my room and I saw Alluka looking through more of my texts.  
"Alluka, may you please give my phone back?" I asked.  
"Big brother, pat my head!" She said.  
I pat her head, and she gave my phone back.  
"Those texts are not for you to look at," I told her. "And you shouldn't be on my phone anyway. Don't you have your own?"  
"It got confiscated," She said.  
"Oh," I sighed. "Still, I don't appreciate you going through my phone."  
"You need a passcode, then!" She told me.  
"Well, yeah, I guess so," I agreed. "Now promise me you won't look through my phone again."  
She nodded. "Promise!"  
"Good."  
I laid down on my bed.  
"How far back did you even go?" I asked.  
"Well, I only made it to those weird dirty texts you kept sending."  
"Okay, you've already embarrassed me at the table, you don't need to do anymore-"  
"I'm gonna tell all my friends at school tomorrow and we'll make a fanfic about it-"  
"Oh my god, no..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALLUKA YOU LIL TROLL   
> Thanks for reading!!  
> Please comment ^^


	19. Chapter 19 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October 21st. Killua's not grounded anymore, so Killua tells Gon what happened during dinner that one time. And they have a somewhat normal conversation. A whole chapter filled with references. See if you can get them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehheheheh  
> This chapter is filled with references from Heathers and Mean Girls.  
> Get reading!

"Really?"  
"Yeah, she read most of them."  
I laid on my stomach with my phone leaned up against my pillow. Gon and I were doing a facetime call.  
"Wow, she certainly changed," Gon said.  
"I know," I replied.  
There was an awkward silence.  
"...Is butter a carb?" Gon asked randomly.  
I waited for a minute, and then replied with, "...Yes. That's a stupid question."  
"No it isn't!" He argued.  
"It is," I said. "It's a stupid question."  
"But you didn't put a passcode on your phone so Alluka read our texts-"  
"Are we gonna have a problem?" I asked. "Have you got a bone to pick? You've come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?"  
"Oh my god," Gon said. "What else do we talk about?"  
"Remember all the chaos that happened during that party?" I asked.  
"I know right?" He replied. "No regrets, though. We should do another party!"  
"Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling," I said. "No."  
"Okay, okay, I guess not," He said. "Again, no regrets."  
"Speaking of which, remember how hard it was to find everything again in that dark closet? I'd rather not go through that again," I told him.  
"Yeah, at least the bottle landed on me and not someone else," He said. "Although, it was lewd either way. And there's nothing wrong with that."  
"Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw," I replied.  
"Honestly, I don't even know anymore," He said. "We're running out of things to talk about. Ehh... You haven't told your parents about the closet incident... Right?"  
"Uh... No," I answered. "But they asked why that... stuff... was in their closet..."  
"Oh," Gon replied. "Well, it'll just be our little secret, uh, right?"  
I heard someone knock on the door.  
"Killua, open up."  
Fuck.  
It was mother.  
"Be right back," I told Gon, as I paused the call and opened the door.  
"Yes?" I asked.  
"I know your secret," She said in a stern voice. "Care to explain what happened in our closet?"  
Shit.  
Looks like I have some explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EHEHEHEH  
> COUNT ALL THE REFERENCES YOU SEE  
> AND COMMENT WHICH REFERENCES YOU FOUND  
> EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH  
> HEATHERS AND MEAN GIRLS ARE BOTH GREAT  
> Sorry that this chapter was so short btw  
> Thanks for reading tho


	20. Chapter 20 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> November 11th. Gon and Killua have an argument and Killua starts feeling extreme negative emotions. He wakes up in a hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED  
> TRIGGER WARNING I GUESS

Gon and I were having a call. This time without our facecams on.  
"Killua, you don't talk to me as much anymore!" He said. "What's up with that?"  
"I've been busy, Gon," I told him. "What part of 'I've been busy' do you not understand? Track meet, homework, crossing guard... I've been busy. I'm trying to talk to you as much as I can."  
"That's bullshit, isn't it?" He asked in a serious tone.  
"No, it is NOT!" I argued. "It is NOT bullshit. I don't lie unless I have a reason to."  
"You haven't been cheating, have you?" He asked.  
"Of course not!" I answered. "I'd never cheat on you with any of the idiots in my school!"  
"I know you're hiding something from me," He said. "You've changed, if you haven't noticed."  
"You have too!" I shouted. "It's not just me!"  
"But not as much as you have," He argued. "You barely ever talk to me anymore. And you never tell me anything."  
"Do I HAVE to tell you everything?!" I yelled. "You always press me for information and I hate it! Can't I keep SOME things to myself- Fuck it. It's no use explaining to you anymore."  
"Killua, what do you-"  
"FUCK IT. GOOD. BYE. FOR GOOD."  
I hung up and threw my phone against the door.  
I sobbed. This was horrible.  
Gon didn't understand, nobody understood at all. I hated it as much as I hated even being alive.  
I stormed downstairs with tears still streaming down my face.  
I was surprised that my family was still asleep,  
I headed into the bathroom and I scratched my wrists violently with my nails until they were dripping with blood.  
"Fuck this stupid world..." I muttered. "Fuck it all."  
I looked in the cabinet for some pills.  
There were only three left.  
I poured them into my hand and swallowed them in one gulp.  
"Not... Enough..." I mumbled to myself.  
I stormed into the kitchen and went through the alcohol cabinet.  
I found a bottle of champagne. Half of it was left.  
"Fuck it," I muttered to myself.  
I popped the top off and chugged it.  
I set the bottle down, and then I ran outside.  
I didn't bother closing the door and I left.  
I walked into the city.  
I hated this city. I hated having to leave Gon. I hated being alive.  
I noticed a particularly tall building.  
I knew how to climb buildings from when Gon and I used to do skywalking until we found out what happened to one of our classmates.  
He fell to his death.  
Which was what I was going to do.  
I climbed the building, and I made it to the rooftop.  
I slowly walked to the edge and looked down.  
It was high.  
I saw some cars pass by below, but not much. Which was good.  
It would leave me to die in peace and not surrounded by people who could try to stop me from trying to end my misery.  
I could feel myself shaking.  
This was the most extreme thing I could ever try to do.  
I gulped, and then jumped down.  
I landed, and hesrd the sound of my bones crunching against the concrete.  
I was in the most pain that I had ever felt in my entire life.  
I had broken a few bones. Some of them were sticking out, and my blood spilled out all over the ground.  
"So... Much... Pain..." I managed to get out.  
I then passed out.  
And then woke up in a room, hooked to an IV and with an oxygen mask on.  
I heard someone talking in the background. Who was it, though?  
I couldn't hear much, but I managed to catch a few things the man said.  
Intensive care unit... Broken spine... Broken arm... Broken leg... Temporary paralysis... Surgery... 1 month... Recovery... Physiotherapy... A whole lot of therapy... 4 months... Wait, what?  
"Mom! Dad! Big brother's awake!"  
Alluka...?  
"Big brother!" My vision was blurry, but I could tell Alluka was by my side.  
"Alluka... Where's Gon....?" My speech was slightly slurred but Alluka understood me.  
"He's waiting outside... Do you remember what happened?" She asked.  
I was going to shake my head, but I couldn't move. I could move my left arm a little bit, but my right arm... Hurt. That's when I noticed I had a cast on it.  
"Even though you didn't respond, I'll explain to you anyway," She said. "I was awake for a while. I overheard your call with Gon. I know it's rude to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help but listen. You were yelling, and then you seemed really upset. So, when you went downstairs, I secretly followed you. But by the time I managed to get out of bed without you noticing and go downstairs, you were gone. I put my coat on and brought my phone in case something happened. When I found you, you were unconscious and there was blood everywhere. I panicked and called the ambulance. I didn't let mom or dad know until they came to the hospital. Are you okay now?! I was so scared!"  
She still seemed panicked.  
"I'm fine now, Alluka," I said. "I regret that a lot. But thanks for saving me."  
"You're welcome, brother," She said. "But did you break up with Gon?"  
"Of course not," My voice was somewhat weak and raspy. "I still love him no matter what."  
"Okay," She went to the door. "You can come in now. Only 15 minutes because the others need to see him too."  
My vision was still somewhat blurry but I could still hear.  
I could hear hurried footsteps getting closer and closer.  
"Killua, oh my god..." It was Gon. He sounded shocked. Probably shocked from how I looked. All the wires and machines, and the oxygen mask.  
"I'm fine, Gon," I managed to get out. "In pain, but I'm fine."  
"I'm so fucking sorry, Killua," He said. I could see him put a hand on the armrest on the side of the hospital bed. "I yelled at you, and, a-and... This happened..."  
"No, it's my fault for being so goddamn stupid," I told him.  
"Don't say that," He said. "I yelled at you first and that's what caused you to do... What you did..."  
"Don't blame yourself," I told him. I put my hand on his.  
I could hear him start crying.  
"But you tried to fucking kill yourself... All because of me..." He sobbed. "It's my fault..."  
"Gon, don't cry, please," I said weakly. "I'm still here. I'm still alive."  
"I was so scared when you suddenly yelled and then hung up... And then you didn't reply... And then I got a call... I flew here by myself just to be by your side here..." He told me, through sobs. "I knew I did something wrong..."  
"You didn't do anything wrong," I told him. "I'm mad at myself for even trying to do something so stupid..."  
"You already tried to kill yourself three times now," He said. "Don't you dare do that again..." He sniffed.  
"I promise," I said. "This time I actually promise..."  
"15 minutes are up!" Alluka called.  
"Well, I should get going now," Gon got up. "I'm staying until the end of January. And then I'll take my leave."  
"Alright," I replied. "Bye."  
"Bye."  
"I love you, Gon."  
"I love you too, Killua."  
And he took off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... We are back where we started.  
> Sorry if I kicked your feels for the 100th time!


	21. Chapter 21 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 10th. Gon and Killua walk on a trail through a snowy forest. Or rather, Gon's walking and Killua's stuck in a wheelchair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 21 chapters already? Wow!  
> And I PROMISE THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE TOO DEPRESSING OR SMUT  
> BESIDES  
> I CAN'T WRITE SMUT UNTIL KILLUA'S OUT OF HIS DAMN WHEELCHAIR  
> HURRY UP AND RECOVER ALREADY

I walked through the snow on a trail in a snowy forest, while pushing my temporarily-paralyzed boyfriend in his wheelchair, leaving behind footprints and wheel tracks. Pushing Killua through the snow in his wheelchair was more difficult than you thought.  
"This trail is so beautiful," I said in awe, watching my breath disappear in the cold winter air. I adjusted my scarf.  
"Yeah, I couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw it," Killua said. "It's the most beautiful place to be in this city, especially in the Wintertime because of the snow, and the Spring because of the cherry blossoms."  
"I should really visit again in the springtime," I said to him. "I'd love to see the cherry blossoms."  
"You should visit again," He agreed.  
"And maybe I will," I told him.  
"You better," He said.  
I laughed. "I will, I promise."  
"I used to come here with Alluka all the time, until she got a girlfriend," He sighed.  
"She only comes here with her girlfriend now?" I asked.  
"Yeah," He said.  
I continued to push his wheelchair through the snow.  
"You don't have to push me, I can move the wheelchair myself," He told me.  
"You just had surgery on your arm and back," I reminded him.  
"With my left arm? Or, I dunno, I can just walk...?" He said.  
"You have to move both wheels, remember?" I reminded him of that as well. "Not to mention last time you said you could walk and you fell right on your face. Besides, your neck probably hurts like hell, right?"  
"Well, yeah," He tried to nod, but couldn't. "But I'll remind you that I have a tolerance for pain."  
"Hey, babe, don't move, alright?" I told him. "Don't give yourself more pain, even if you have a high pain tolerance."  
"Alright," He seemed a bit annoyed by this.  
"I'm doing this for your own good," I told him.  
"I know, but it annoys me how I can't move," He said.  
I fixed my scarf again. "I know it annoys you, but that's why you have a wheelchair."  
"Yeah, but sometimes it gets uncomfortable," Killua rolled his eyes.  
"I can tell," I said.  
After a bit of awkward silence, Killua said, "I love you, by the way."  
"I love you too," I smiled.  
"You still have my phone, right?" He asked.  
"Yeah," I said. "I don't want you to drop it in the snow.  
Just as he asked, his phone started vibrating.  
"Hang on," I pulled out his phone from my pocket and showed him.  
It was a text from Alluka.  
"Please come home, it's important!" The text read.  
"Might as well head home now," Killua said. "We're back where we started."  
"Alright," I turned his wheelchair around and started heading to his place.  
When we got home, he opened the door and saw Alluka. She was crying.  
"Oh my god, Alluka, are you okay?!" He asked.  
"We broke up," She sobbed.  
Killua sighed. "I told you, dating in middle school was a bad idea."  
He held out his left arm, since he couldn't move his right arm. "Come here."  
She sniffed and hugged him.  
He pat her back. "It's okay, Alluka. What happened?"  
"I gave her the earrings I bought for her, then she took them and dumped me," She sobbed. "She didn't even give the earrings back!"  
"She's a bitch," Killua said to her.  
"Don't call her that!" Alluka sobbed. "Is there really something wrong with me?"  
"No, of course not!" He said. "She dumped you because she's a bitch. You can find someone better than her."  
"But how?" She asked. "Everyone else in the school is straight!"  
"Maybe one of them is bi...?" He asked.  
"Unlikely," She sniffed.  
"Okay, okay. Let's just assume they're all closet gays," Killua said. I slapped him across the face.  
"You can't just assume someone's gay," I told him.  
"Fine, fine," Killua sighed. "Eventually you'll find someone you really really really like, and then you confess, no matter if they're gay or straight."  
"But what if I get rejected?" She asked.  
"You don't need them," He said. "Or rather, just wait until High School to date."  
"Alright," She sniffed. "Thanks for the help."  
"No problem," He said.  
She went up to her room.  
"Are you sure that the same thing won't happen again to Alluka with that advice you just gave her?"  
He sighed. "It's her decision, though. Not mine."  
"But what if it does happen to her?" I asked.  
"Shame on me, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very opinionated:  
> This is why I hate most people dating in Elementary School/Middle School. Not my fault you aren't mature enough to have an actual relationship.  
> However there are some people who ARE mature enough, but they're 12 or 13, most of the people dating now are like 8 ew


	22. Chapter 22 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 19th. The Zoldycks are away on a family trip, except for Killua, Alluka, and Kalluto. Killua's arm has recovered, but he still can't walk. However... Gon is feeling a bit peculiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SOSOSOSO SORRY I THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA WRITE SMUT BUT THAT WAS A LIE

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.  
It was very quiet in Killua's house.  
Too quiet.  
His family went out on another trip. But they left Alluka, Kalluto, and Killua behind.  
Killua's arm recovered, but he still couldn't walk.  
"So, how do you do this ASMR thing?" Kalluto asked Alluka, curiously.  
"You get a buncha things that make satisfying sounds and you can talk and say what the sounds are, but you have to whisper to make it even more satisfying," Alluka replied.  
"Cool!" Kalluto replied.  
Alluka and Kalluto were sitting in front of the TV with a large microphone in front of them. Actually, three. Three large microphones in front of them. They were both recording ASMR and they were wearing headphones.   
"So, are we gonna start recording?" Kalluto asked.  
"Yep!" She started recording.  
They went on with their ASMR.  
"Now, we're going to light up some matches," Alluka whispered.  
"No matches," Killua scolded her.   
"We'll peel vegetables instead," Kalluto whispered.  
They got the cutting board and a bag to put the shavings in.  
While cutting, Kalluto accidentally cut his finger with the vegetable peeler.  
"Hang on, I'll get you a bandage," Alluka took Kalluto into the bathroom and bandaged his finger.  
When they got back, they continued with their ASMR.  
"Alluka, this isn't a good idea," Killua warned her.  
They ignored her and continued with the ASMR.  
"Hey, let's go upstairs," I said to Killua.  
"I can't walk, remember-"  
I picked him up. "Fuck THAT, I'll carry you."  
He started blushing. "E-eh?! I could just use the chairlift-"  
"Nope, I'll carry you!" I replied.  
"Can we watch a movie?" Kalluto asked.  
"Sure," Killua answered.  
"Be sure to turn the volume all the way up!" I yelled as I went up the stairs, still carrying Killua in my arms.  
I put him down on the bed.  
"See? Don't need to walk," I told him.  
"Are you sure they'll do what you said? I think Kalluto's already scarred for life-"  
"Eh, whatever," I shrugged. "I'm sure he'll do exactly what I said. He's an obediant kid, right?"  
"Well, yeah, but-"  
"No need to worry."  
I got on the bed and on top of him.  
"You're fine with this, uh, right?" I asked, just to be sure.  
"Well, yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He replied.  
"Good," I replied.  
I kissed him roughly. He seemed a bit shocked by the sudden move, but calmed down after a while.  
We separated, breathing heavily.  
"You better fucking make me scream," He said.  
"That won't be a problem," I replied.  
Before we knew it, we were completely naked.  
I pulled the sheets over us.  
I started to kiss his neck, and then got more aggressive.  
"A-ah," The sound was quiet, but still audible.  
And soon, we did hear the movie turned all the way up.  
I listened for a minute. Were they watching Lion King?  
I continued to bite his neck softly, and then stopped.   
"Do you really wanna do this?" I asked Killua.  
He put his right arm around my neck, and stroked my cheek with his hand.  
"Don't you dare hesitate," He answered.  
"A-alright," I replied.  
I started to thrust into him.  
He let out a soft moan.  
"F-faster, please," He said.  
I went faster.  
"Y-yes," He moaned. "J-just like that."  
I continued.  
It got even more intense.  
I was sweating. We both were.  
My heart was pounding against my rib cage. Our breathing was heavy and in sync. And that was perfect.  
"N-not fast enough," He said. "F-faster. H-harder, p-please."  
And so I went faster, and started thrusting harder.  
"A-ah, yes!" He yelled.   
I smirked. This was going to be easy.  
I suddenly went even faster.  
He let out a choked back moan, and the liquid overflowed, as I came inside of him.  
I got off of him, and our breathing was still heavy.  
I laid beside him in his bed.  
After, we heard someone bang against the door.  
"Who is it?" Killua's voice was somewhat raspy, but loud.  
"Oh fudge."  
We knew that voice all too well.  
Alluka.  
"Alluka, what are you doing?!" Killua asked.  
We heard two people run off.   
Hm. Poor Kalluto must've been dragged into this.  
I put my arms around Killua.  
"Hey, Killua?" I asked.  
"Yeah?" He looked back at me.  
I rested my chin atop his head and pulled him closer to me.  
"I love you," I whispered.  
"I-I love you too," He replied.  
I kissed him on the forehead.  
We both eventually fell asleep.  
\----------------------------BONUS-------------------------------  
Alluka's POV  
"Who is it?"  
Oh, god. We were screwed.  
We were doing ASMR but we eventually gave up and put on the Lion King.  
We didn't watch the movie though. I had dragged Kalluto upstairs and we listened the whole time.  
I kind of felt bad, afterwards, seeing Kalluto's face. He seemed... Traumatized.  
I had slid against the door, but accidentally hit something, so I knew we were screwed.  
"Oh fudge." I said.  
"Alluka, what are you doing?!" I heard big brother yell.  
"Fudge, fudge, fudge, fudge," I panicked.  
I grabbed Kalluto by the wrist and started running.  
"W-what are you doing, Alluka?" He asked nervously.  
"Big brother's gonna kill us if he opens that door! Might as well run to the woods!" I explained.  
We ran downstairs, quickly opened the door, and ran into the woods.  
We didn't lock the door.  
We got into the woods, then I let go of his wrist.  
After a while, we decided to go back, but we couldn't find our way back.  
"Uh, Alluka?" He said. "I think we're lost."  
"Oops," I panicked for a minute. "Uh, don't worry! Big brother will find us!"  
After a few hours, we gave up.  
"I don't think he's going to find us," Kalluto said.  
"Well, I guess we could just stay the night," I shrugged.  
And we did. We fell asleep, and then when we woke up, it was morning.  
"Well, time to start looking again!" I said.  
We both searched through the woods for the way back.  
Eventually, we found our way back.  
We headed inside.  
"Oh my god, there you are!" Big brother seemed panicked. "Where were you?!"  
"In the woods," I smiled innocently.  
He then lectured us about how dangerous it was to go into the woods without an adult and then gave us a lecture about how we didn't lock the door, and how somebody could've broken in.  
I sighed.  
"We should've just stuck with ASMR."


	23. Chapter 23 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to January from 2 years ago from date of last chapter. A flashback to the first time Killua and Gon went skywalking.

I remember the first time we went skywalking like it was yesterday.

We were in the city and it was 7:00 at night. Nobody was outside, and it was our second date.  
We had found a tall tower to climb, and we were climbing up it.  
"K-Killua... I-Is this really a good idea?" Gon asked nervously.  
"No," I answered. "Not really. But it's fun, trust me."  
"I'm really scared of falling," Gon told me.  
I put my arm around him. "It's okay, just follow me, alright?"  
He nodded. "O-okay..."  
We were climbing. I wasn't sure how sturdy the tower was, and if one of my feet slipped, I could fall to my death, but hey, you only lived once, right?  
We were halfway up, when we realized the bars were getting smaller and smaller.  
"A-are you sure we won't fall? T-these bars are really really small..." His voice was shaky.  
"I highly doubt we'll fall," I told him. "Not a lot of people fall."  
"But a-are you sure we won't?" He asked.  
"U-uh...." I hesitated for a minute. "No! It'll be fiiiiine..."  
We managed to make it to the very top.  
The wind blew and we sat next to each other, 100 feet above the ground.  
"I-It's so high up..." Gon said, in awe.  
I put my arm around him.  
"Yeah, but it's worth it, just to spent time with you," I whispered into his ear.  
"It's not so bad once you finish climbing," He said.  
"I know," I replied. "Worth it, right?"  
"The view is beautiful," He smiled.   
"Maybe we should do this more often whenever we go onto some dates," I suggested.  
He sat up straight. "Yes!"  
I smiled. "I thought you'd like it up here."  
"Maybe we could try something else next time," He put his hand on my leg.  
"Nah," I took his hand off my leg. "Maybe another time."  
"Where else will we go?" He asked.  
"We should climb that tall building with the other tower over there," I pointed to a building in the distance.  
"Yeah!" He said.  
I then cupped his face with my hands and pulled him closer.   
Our lips touched, and, well, you can guess what happened next. We kissed.  
We separated.  
"Don't tell anyone else about this, okay?" I asked.  
He nodded. "Okay!"

"Hey, are you ready, or what?"  
He was waiting at the door with some gear.  
A small backpack and a scarf that covered his mouth.  
I adjusted my turtleneck so that it covered my mouth as well.  
"Of course."  
We headed off to the tall building. This was the fifth time we went skywalking.  
When we got there, it was much taller than we thought.  
"Do not climb," I read the sign on the tower.  
"Fuck it!" We started climbing.  
The tower was somewhat unsteady.   
We were tied at the waist by some rope, so if one of us fell, the other fell too. Stupid, I know, but we didn't know any better.  
"A-are we going to fall?" He asked.  
"N-no, of course not!" I stuttered nervously. "N-no... W-way... In hell..."  
"Are you sure?" He tilted his head curiously. "You sound a bit... Unsure."  
"W-what?! Of course I'm sure!" I shook my head vigorously. "Of course we won't fall! What are we, stupid?!"  
"Of course not," He replied.  
We continued climbing until we got to the top.  
I tied the rope to the very top.  
"What are you doing?" Gon asked, nervously.  
"Tying the rope in case we fall," I said.  
After a few minutes of silence, Gon came up with a crazy idea.  
"Let's jump off together," He said.  
"E-eh?!" I was taken aback by what he said. "That's basically asking to kill ourselves!"  
"We're tied to the tower, right? We won't actually fall, right?" He asked.  
"U-uh..." I wasn't sure how to respond.  
"O-okay..." i hesitantly grabbed his hand.  
"3... 2... 1."  
We jumped off.  
Turns out we didn't use the right type of rope.  
It snapped.  
I watched as our blood spilled out on the ground.  
We were speechless and couldn't move.  
I went unconscious, but when I woke up, I was in the emergency room hooked to an IV and with an oxygen mask on.  
My family and nurses surrounded me.  
"You're awake," One of the nurses said.  
"What were you thinking, Killua?" Dad asked. "You and Gon could have-"  
I immediately sat up and panicked. "Where's Gon?! Is he okay?! Did he die?!"  
He put me back into a resting position. "Calm down, Killua. Your boyfriend's just in the other room. He had the same amount of injuries as you. Nothing too serious."  
"Good," I said.   
I saw Alluka.  
"Big brother, big brother, big brother!" She yelled. "Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?"  
"Calm down, Alluka," I pat her head. "I'm fine. Don't worry."  
"Good," She said. "Gon's okay. He's in the other room."  
"I know," I told her.   
After a few minutes of silence, I said, "Hey, Alluka?"  
"Mhm?" She replied.  
"Can you tell Gon I love him?" I asked.  
She hesitated for a minute, but then said, "Sure."  
She walked off into the other room.  
"Why don't you try and get some rest?" One of the nurses said.  
"Okay," I closed my eyes.  
I heard the rest of the people leaving.  
That's all I really remember.

And now, that brings us to the present time.  
"Hey, Gon?" I said.  
"Yeah?" He replied.  
"Remember the last time we went skywalking?" I asked him.  
He let out a soft, fake laugh.  
"Yeah. I'd rather not remember."  
After a few seconds of silence, I replied to him.  
"Me neither."


	24. Chapter 24 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 21st. The others are back, and they brought back something.

I was finally able to walk again.  
A bit unsteady, but able.  
Oh, and I should probably mention; they were back before we knew it.  
"We're back," Illumi announced, in a voice that lacked emotion as usual.  
"Did Alluka cause any trouble?" Mom asked.  
"Nope!" Alluka smiled innocently.  
"Good," She said.  
Milluki grabbed me by my collar.  
"You didn't touch anything in my room, right?!" He shook me.  
"Gah! No, no, no!" I replied. "Not at all!"  
He squinted suspiciously. "I don't believe you."  
He ran upstairs to check on his merch.  
"We brought you back something," Dad said.  
I looked.  
He put them on the table.  
Condoms.  
Friggin condoms.  
"W-what?" I asked. "You're joking, right? Right?"  
"No," He answered.  
"But like, I'm gay-"  
"That can't stop STDs, you know," Illumi told me.  
"But-"  
"No buts," He said. "Your mother and I know about the," he coughed. "Closet incident."  
"What are you talking abou-"  
"That closet smells terrible, I'll tell you," He said. "And you've been doing stuff too while we were gone." He coughed again. "Stuff."  
"What stuff?" I decided to play dumb.  
He pointed to my neck. "Explain?"  
Fuck.  
"You know, you need to be sure that you don't get STDs," Mom said. "Like-"  
"Mom, please."  
"AIDS."  
"Mom, no."  
"HIV."  
"Mooooooomm..."  
"Herpes."  
"Mom, for god's sake, he's still in the room!" I yelled.  
"But still," She handed the box to me.  
"Fine," I put them in the cabinet upstairs.  
"How did they find out?" Gon asked.  
"That was my parents' closet, remember?" I reminded him.  
"Ohhhh," He replied.  
"Yeeeeaaahhh," I replied.  
"Anywaaaaay," He put his arm around me. "Why don't we just fuck now? We couldn't do a lot, since Alluka was recording her ASMR-"  
"Not on my watch," Said a voice all too familiar.  
"Goddammit Illumi!" I cursed.  
"Fine," He replied, with no emotion as usual. He gave me the box. "Just take these."  
"Oh my GOD," I yelled. "WHY DOES EVERYONE-"  
"Now have fun," He teased, as he put in ear plugs.  
And, well, we did.  
You've heard it all before.  
Gon wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.  
"Surprise motherfudgers!" Alluka burst into the room. "I was listening from outside!" She made some sort of weird fangirl squeal.  
"Alluka, that's gross!" I told her.  
"Why do you even like eavesdropping on," He coughed. "Intimate... Moments?"  
"Well, I was GOING to listen to ASMR, but then I realized I left my tablet in the room I happen to share with big brother, and then I eavesdropped on your conversation with Illumi, even though it's rude to eavesdrop, but I just can't help it! So then I thought, 'gee, there's no better idea than listening to your brother and his boyfriend getting it on in YOUR shared bedroom!' Now, THAT'S the quality ASMR I like to listen to!" She smiled and gave an innocent thumbs up.  
"Why?" I asked. "Why do you even-"  
"Welllll, it all started when I found something called 'We Are Number One but Every One Is Replaced With Yaoi Moans', and then I got addicted!" Her smile grew wider.  
"Alluka, please," I replied.  
"Besiiiiides, it smells like semen in here-"  
"HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SMELLS LIKE?!" I asked.  
There was an awkward silence.  
"I'll... Go now..." She replied nervously.  
"Tell me..." I said.  
"Nope!" She ran out of the room.  
I sighed.  
So much for that.  
What even happened to her, anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best returning gift ever 10/10 would gift again  
> Also Alluka lost all her innocence when looking on the internet  
> I'll have you know she's like 12 in this AU  
> Oh and I did watch that we are number one but yaoi video and I have no regrets


	25. Chapter 25 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 22nd. Gon finds out about a deep secret of Killua's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay  
> WARNING:  
> Deals with a very serious topic (Bullimia/Anorexia)  
> If this sort of stuff makes you feel uncomfortable, please do not read this chapter. Thank you.

It was around 1:00pm, and I looked at Killua, concerned.  
We were both sitting down, watching TV.  
"Are you sure you're not going to eat anything?" I asked.  
He shook his head. "Not hungry."  
I was starting to be concerned for him. He hadn't eaten anything for days. Ever since he was out of the hospital, he had started eating less and less. 'Not hungry', he said. But he had also been heading to the bathroom a lot, as well.   
He had seemed to be getting thinner and thinner, and I wasn't sure why.  
"Are you okay, Killua?" I asked.  
"Yeah, why?" He replied. "I'm just fine."  
"Are you sure?" I asked once more.  
He scowled at me. "I said I'm fine. Now stop bothering me, Gon."  
He stomped upstairs.  
After a while, I heard a large thud.  
Alluka, Kalluto and I went upstairs.  
An unconscious Killua was on the ground.  
"Is Killua okay?" I asked Alluka.  
She shook her head. "He's... Not okay."  
I sat up immediately. "What's wrong with him?!"  
"Well... He's been really sick... He's not eating..." She explained.  
"Like, how sick?" I asked.  
"Throwing up," Kalluto said.  
"But he doesn't look sick! His temperature was fine!" Alluka said.  
"What has he been saying about himself before I started staying over?" I asked.  
"That he looks stupid... Ugly... And a lot of other things..." She explained. "I heard him say that when I was pretending to be asleep..."  
"Do you want me to talk to him when he wakes up?" I asked.  
She nodded. "I'm scared... Of what might happen next..."  
"Alright," I picked him up. He was lighter than usual. He looked unhealthily thin.  
I carried him into his bedroom and put him down on the bed.  
After a while, he woke up.  
"W-what happened?" He asked.  
"You collapsed. Can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked.  
"Uh, sure," He seemed confused for a minute. "What is it, Gon?"  
"Are you still having self esteem issues?" I asked when we got into his room.  
"What are you talking about?" He laughed nervously.  
"Don't play dumb. Alluka's worried about you, you know. She's overheard you say negative things."  
"What?" He asked.  
"You know what I'm talking about," I said sternly. "Be honest with me, Killua. You know you're bad at lying. What were you doing?"  
"...purging."  
I instantly became shocked and worried.  
"W-why?! You're already such a beautiful person, Killua!" I said.  
"That's one opinion against a thousand others," He said.  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
"The others at school don't think so. I don't fit their standards, so I started that habit," He explained. "I don't like myself, Gon. You should know that by now."  
"There's a fine line between healthy thin and unhealthy thin. This is an unhealthy habit, Killua!" I told him.  
"No matter what you say, I'll still hate myself," He told me.  
I wrapped my arms around him.  
"E-eh? What are you doing?" He asked.  
"Even if you hate yourself, I don't! I love you, so don't do this!" I said.  
"Why? Lots of people do it," He said.  
"J-just don't!" I said.  
"Why did I even collapse anyway?" He asked.  
"Because that's what happens when you're underweight! And it's a warning!" I told him.  
"Well, fine," He said. "I'll stop."  
"Good," I pulled him closer.  
"How long have you been doing this anyway?" I asked him.  
"A week before I decided to jump off that building," He said.  
I looked at him, shocked. "For THAT long?"  
"Well, yeah, that's how much I hate myself."  
"Well, now you have to stop, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"I love you."  
"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so  
> I've never had any experiences with binging/purging so I can't say much  
> But I used to have self image issues, so I can understand how Killua feels. Even if people aren't actually putting pressure on you, you feel as if society is. Because Society's standards are higher than my grades.  
> And can I just say now  
> If you are dealing with depression and/or Bullimia/Anorexia, don't listen to those nasty lil demons inside of you saying that you have to do that. You are perfect just the way you are, no matter who you are.  
> You are not alone.  
> If you are depressed and/or anorexic, please get help. If you are feeling suicidal, please contact a suicide hotline. There are a bunch of suicide hotlines you can contact.  
> Please stay safe, and remember; You are not alone.  
> Thank you.  
> Society and pressure is a bitch.


	26. Chapter 26 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 25th. Guests come over to the Zoldyck family house for a Christmas party. Gon and Killua find some champagne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> SMUTSMUTSMUTSMUT

Gon and I were waiting downstairs wearing tuxedos.  
We were waiting for everyone to be ready and we were waiting for the guests to arrive.  
I then whispered into Gon's ear. "If I could, I would fuck you right here right now."  
He then started blushing. "Maybe later."  
Alluka rushed downstairs. "Done!"  
Her hair was styled into a messy bun and she was wearing fake diamond earrings and a gold necklace with fake diamonds. Her dress was long, red, and sparkly and had a fake diamonds around the middle of it, and it had no sleeves.  
"Hey, you look great!" I complimented her.  
"Thanks, big brother!" She smiled.  
"Nice dress," Gon said. "Why are you wearing something so fancy?"  
"Because my girlfriend is coming over!" Her smile grew even wider.  
"Another girlfriend already?" I asked.  
"Her name is Felicity!" Her smile grew even wider. "She's the most beautiful and kind hearted person I've ever met! Even more beautiful and kind hearted than Tiffany!"  
"Oh, is that so?" Gon asked. "We can't wait to meet her!"  
Kalluto was sitting on the couch wearing a fancy crimson kimono.  
He was watching TV.  
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.  
Kalluto got up and answered the door.  
"Hi!" A girl's voice said.  
"Who are you?" He asked.  
"Alluka's girlfriend!" She replied.  
He shrugged. "Come in."  
Alluka's face brightened even more. "Felicity!"  
She smiled at Alluka. "Alluka!"  
They hugged and then kissed each other on the lips quickly. I could feel myself shaking with rage.  
"Big brother, Gon, this is Felicity! Felicity, this is my brother and Gon!" Alluka introduced us.  
Felicity was around Alluka's height, and she had long, wavy brown hair and was wearing a short blue dress.  
"Hi!" Felicity said.  
"Nice to meet you," Gon and I said.  
After a while, mom and dad came downstairs and the guests started arriving.  
There was stuff put out on the table and guests were talking.  
I looked and saw Illumi with a tall man who had wavy pink hair that was sticking up a bit. The man was wearing a tuxedo as well.  
He spotted us. Shit.  
"Oh? Illumi, who are these young boys here?" The man asked. This man seemed like he could be trouble.  
"Oh, the boy with the white hair is my younger brother," Illumi said. "The other boy is his boyfriend, Gon."  
"Who are you?" I asked the man.  
"Killua, Gon, this is Hisoka, my boyfriend. Hisoka, this is Killua and Gon," Illumi introduced us, voice lacking emotion as usual.  
"Why, hello there," Hisoka said.  
"Uh, hi?" I replied.  
"Nice to meet you," Gon said nervously.  
Hisoka chuckled. "No need to be nervous, boys."  
"Uh, we gotta go, nice meeting you!" I grabbed Gon's hand and pulled him away.  
"He seems scary," Gon said.  
"He looks like a pedophile," I said.  
I looked and saw some wine glasses.  
"Have you ever tried champagne before?" I asked Gon.  
He shook his head.  
"I'll get some, then," I walked over to the table and poured two glasses of champagne.  
"Underage drinking?" Hisoka asked.  
"Nope!" I yelled, and quickly scurried over to Gon. I quickly handed him a glass.  
He took a sip. "Fancy."  
"Indeed," I said.  
After a few more drinks, we were just the tiniest bit drunk.  
"The room is spinning," Gon said.  
"No shit, Sherlock," I slurred.  
"You two seem to be enjoying yourselves," Hisoka chuckled.  
"Yeah, we're gonna go make out now, bye!" I yelled, as I dragged Gon into the bathroom.  
We went into the bathroom and then closed the door.  
"What now?" Gon asked.  
I kissed Gon, suddenly.  
After a few minutes, I pinned him against the bathroom wall and stuck my tongue into his mouth, and then we started making out.  
After we seperated, we were panting  
"Now... What...?" Gon asked.  
"Let's bang now," I said.  
"O-oh, okay!"  
We climbed into the bathtub and proceeded to make out again as we undressed.  
Gon nipped at my neck, and found my sensitive spot.  
I let out a few moans.  
Someone knocked on the door.  
"O-occupied!" I yelled.  
We heard a familiar chuckle.  
"GO AWAY, PEDOBEAR!" I yelled.   
"Have fun," Hisoka said.  
"Let's just continue," I said.  
"Yeah!"  
We proceeded to take our clothes off, and we threw them out of the bathtub.  
Gon proceeded to thrust into me.  
"A-ah," I moaned. "Yes! Faster, p-please!"  
He started going faster.  
My heart pounded against my rib cage, and our breathing got even more intense. I could feel my sweat sticking to my skin.  
Before we knew it, I felt the end coming closer and closer.  
"P-please, go faster," I begged.  
He went even faster.  
"A-ah, yes, yes!" I yelled as it overflowed out of me, and he came inside of me.  
Someone then knocked on the door. "You done yet?"  
It was Illumi this time.  
"Y-yeah, give us a few minutes!" I yelled.  
We proceeded to put our clothes back on, and then we exited.  
"You can go in now," My speech was still slurred.  
"Oh my god, you are a mess," He said, emotionlessly.  
"Whaddaya mean?" I asked.  
"Look at yourselves," He told us.  
"Yeah, yeah, whatevs," I said.  
After a while, the party ended and people started leaving.  
We then went upstairs, got changed, and got in bed.  
"I love you, Gon," I said.  
"I love you too, Killua."  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
! BONUS !  
I felt extremely tired and hungover when I woke up.  
"Killua, you look terrible," Gon said.  
"You do too," I told him.  
"I feel sick," He said.  
"I do too," I replied.  
Alluka then burst into the room.  
"Oh my god, ahaha!" She was laughing.  
"What is it now?" I asked.  
"You guys were so drunk last night! I mean, everyone could hear you from downstairs, just, oh my god!" She was basically killing herself laughing.  
"What did they hear?" Gon asked.  
"They heard hardcore homosexual sex!" She could barely speak.  
We then both sighed.  
Looks like she was still her usual self.


	27. Chapter 27 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 27th. Innocent Alluka asks some.... Not so innocent questions.

I woke up with no clothes on in my bed.  
Oh right. I remember what happened the night before.  
You've probably heard it all before.  
I looked at the rope on the ground. Riiiiight.  
We decided to experiment with ropes. In bed. Bondage.  
I put my clothes back on. Gon was already awake. He was probably downstairs.  
I walked downstairs. I was tired as hell.  
"Morning, Killua!" Gon handed me a cup of tea. "Alluka and I made this cup of tea for you!"  
"Thank you," I smiled at Gon, and he kissed me on the forehead.  
I went to sit down.  
I saw Alluka at the table. She looked like she was thinking about something.  
"Hey, Alluka," I said. "Something on your mind?"  
"Yeah," She said. "Big brother, can I ask you something?"  
"Sure," I replied, taking a sip of my tea.  
"What's bondage?"  
I spit out my tea at this question.  
"W-what?" I asked.  
"I said-"  
"No, no, no, I know what you said, let me rephrase that," I cleared my throat. "Why are you asking something like that?"  
"People at school were talking about it before Winter break," She explained. "I asked them what it was and they laughed at me. They wouldn't tell me anything! So I thought YOU might know something about it!"  
'What kind of middle schoolers ARE these kids?' I asked myself in thoughts.  
"You'll find out when you're, uh, older," I said. I took another sip of my tea.  
"Why?" Alluka tilted her head curiously. "Does it have something to do with se-"  
"Shhh," I said. "We don't talk about that in this house."  
"But-"  
"No buts," I told her. "I'll tell you another time."  
"Why ANOTHER time?" She rolled her eyes. "Just tell me now, big brother!"  
"No-"  
"Oh wait... Isn't it something to do with being tied up?" She interrupted.  
I spit out my tea again. Dammit, my no-longer-innocent little sister figured it out.  
"It is, isn't it?" She asked. "I was only guessing!"  
She started laughing.  
"How did you figure out?" I asked.  
"I knew it! I figured it out!" She smiled. "I was just guessing, because I remember seeing the rope on the ground in the room," This made me almost choke on my tea. "And then I asked anyway!"  
I coughed. "Great job."  
"Speaking of which," Oh no. My not-so-innocent little sister was going to ask another question.  
I put down my cup of tea. "Yes...?"  
"What's masturbation?" She asked. "People at school were talking about that too, and they won't tell me anything!"  
I coughed again. "Something you do when you're single and have no life. I don't know, I've never done that before."  
"What are kinks and fetishes?" She asked again. "People don't like telling me anything and it's annoying!"  
"Alluka, don't you think it's time you stop asking your brother embarrassing questions?" Gon suggested.  
"Embarrassing?" She tilted her head. "What do you mean?"  
"Asking people sexual questions isn't exactly something you bring up in normal conversation," I took a sip of my tea. "It's not a casual question like asking 'what's your favourite colour' and so on."  
"Why not?" She asked.  
"Maybe we should just stop with the questions," I said.  
"Okay," She got a glass of milk to drink.  
"So, Alluka," Gon said. "I barely get to talk to you. What do you like to do now?"  
"I like to sing," She started. "Dance, pretend, and I like to have fun, fun, funfUNFUNFUNFUN!"   
"Oh my god," I said. "No more Kazoo Kid, PLEASE. I've had that stuck in my head for the past few days."  
"Neeeever mind," Gon replied.  
Kalluto came downstairs.  
"Good morning, Kallu!" Alluka said.  
"Morning," He sat down. "Killua, can I ask you something?"  
"What?" I asked.  
"What are kinks and-"  
"OH MY GOD-"  
"Nobody's telling me anything," Kalluto said.  
"Same here!" Alluka replied. "Isn't it annoying?"  
"Sort of," He replied. "I mean, we just wanna know, right?"  
"Go Google it," I told them. "If you have so many questions, just Google them."  
"Yeah, Kallu!" Alluka chirped. "Let's Google it!"  
Alluka ran upstairs with Kalluto following behind her.  
"Well, now we just wait for them to be scarred for life," I said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I came up with Kalluto's nickname "Kallu". I sort of imagined Alluka giving Kalluto a cute nickname.


	28. Chapter 28 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 2nd. Killua decides to go on a road trip with Gon, Alluka, and Kalluto. This can only end badly.

I looked at Kalluto, Alluka, and Gon. "Ready to go?"  
They nodded. I yelled at my dad upstairs.  
"HEY, DAD! WE'RE GONNA STEAL YOUR CAR NOW!"  
Alluka laughed.  
"Come on, let's go before he yells at us!" I said.  
I grabbed the car keys and we left.  
We locked the door as we stepped outside, with heavy backpacks and Gon's suitcase.  
I unlocked the car doors.  
My dad had a small minivan. I sat in the driver's seat, with Gon in the other front seat and Kalluto and Alluka in the second row and our bags in the third row.  
"No fair! I want shotgun next time!" Alluka pouted.  
I laughed. "Maybe next time."  
We started up the car and drove off.  
It was awkward.  
"Big brother," Alluka said.  
"Yes?" I replied.  
"Pass me the AUX cord!" She reached for it.  
Gon pulled it out and gave it to her.  
"You better not play anything inapropriate," I said.  
"Don't worry, big brother!" She said. "I'll play some good tunes!"  
"Alright," I kept my eyes on the road.  
Alluka plugged in her music player.  
I listened to the music, until I realized what it was.  
Alluka started going along.  
"I like to sing..."  
"Oh my GOD NO," I yelled.  
"Dance..."  
"NO."  
"Pretend..."  
"AAAAAAND," Alluka continued. "I LIKE TO HAVE FUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUN!"  
"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" I said. "NOT KAZOO KID!"  
The others laughed.  
"Fine," She changed the song to something else.  
We all sang along, being the perfect kids we were.  
"I know it breaks your heart  
Moved to the city in a broke down car  
And four years, no calls  
Now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar  
And I can't stop  
No, I can't stop"  
We laughed.  
We stopped at an area that looked like a forest. Abandoned, nonetheless.  
"What's for lunch?" Gon asked.  
Alluka pulled the bags out from the third row and looked through. "Cup of noodles, cup of noodles, cup of noodles, ew, cup of noodles," She continued looking through. "And 12 energy bars along with 12 bottles of Gatorade, and some fruit snacks. Oh, and a rice cooker."  
I got out of the car and so did Gon. We went into the back.  
"You parked the car, right?" Alluka asked.  
"Of course," I assured her.  
"Why don't we all take a cup of noodles and cook them?" Gon asked. "One for each person."  
"No thanks!" Alluka looked disgusted. "I HATE cups of noodles."  
"What are you going to eat then?" I asked.  
"Energy bar," She pulled out one. "Ew, cashews!" She threw it across the van. "No thanks!"  
She pulled out another. "This one has cashews too?!"  
"All of them have cashews," Kalluto said.  
"Darn!" She yelled. "Fine, I'll eat one. Anything but those noodles."  
"You sure hate cups of noodles, don't you?" I sighed.  
"You guys can have your noodles, I can live off of this!" She ate the energy bar angrily but was instantly disgusted. "Ew, it even TASTES disgusting!"  
"Are you sure?" Gon asked.  
"Positive," She replied.  
We made the four cups of noodles in the rice cooker anyway. We had to plug it into the one power outlet in the van.  
"Are you sure you really don't want noodles?" Gon asked.  
"Positive," She repeated.  
"You can live off those?" I asked.  
"Positive," She repeated once more.  
"Sure you don't find them disgusting?" Kalluto asked.  
"Screw it!" She yelled. She spit out the energy bar in the trash bin. "I can't stand them! I'll gladly starve! Anything but those!"  
She didn't eat anything.  
We had to sleep in the van. Because camping.  
She gave up and ate the leftover noodles for dinner.  
Kalluto didn't eat much for lunch and ate nothing for dinner. In fact, he seemed a bit depressed.  
"Hey, Kallu, are you okay?" Alluka asked, concerned.  
"Yes, I'm fine," He sighed and laid down, and curled into a ball. "I want to sleep. And never wake up."  
"What was that last part?" I asked.  
"Never mind," He replied. "I'll be fine."  
Gon and I slept in the very back, and Kalluto and Alluka slept in the second row.  
However, that didn't stop us from worrying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random facts about this AU:  
> 1) Alluka is transgender in this AU. The only difference is that the Zoldycks support her and aren't complete assholes. Still assholes tho.  
> 2) Kalluto's actually really depressed in this AU. Sure, not as depressed as Gon or Killua, and no, he doesn't self harm, he's just depressed. I mean, I WONDER WHY *cough cough* IT'S NOT OBVIOUS AT ALL *cough cough*


	29. Chapter 29 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 3rd. The four decide to go home. Before Killua and Gon decide to go on a date, it seems Killua's anxiety pills have been replaced with... Something else.

When we woke up, we had decided to head home before mom and dad call the cops.  
Gon and I climbed into the front, and closed the door.  
We had all gotten changed and were ready to go. Well, Kalluto already had way before we did.  
I started the car up, and we buckled our seatbelts. Except for Kalluto. Alluka did it for him.  
Kalluto was still asleep, but then he woke up.  
"W-what is going on...?" He slurred.  
"We're leaving," I said. "I realized mom and dad are gonna be pissed at us if we don't return."  
"Can you please pass the AUX cord?" Kalluto asked.  
I passed it to him. "What do you wanna listen to, Kalluto?"  
He plugged in his iPod, and Bring Me To Life by Evanescence started playing.  
"Wake me up,  
Wake me up inside,  
I can't wake up,  
Wake me up inside,  
Save me"  
"Uh, do you have any... Other songs?" I asked.  
"You're fine with Alluka listening to Kazoo Kid," He grumbled.  
"Kallu, don't be mad!" Alluka hugged him.  
"Just wondering," I said. "Do you want to listen to this?"  
He changed the song to Heathens by Twenty One Pilots.  
"All my friends are heathens, take it slow  
Wait for them to ask you who you know  
Please don't make any sudden moves,  
You don't know the half of the abuse"  
"I love this song!" Alluka said.  
"Cool," Kalluto replied.  
"I'm hungry," Alluka whined. She looked through the bag.  
"We only have energy bars, remember?" I reminded her.   
"Darn it!" She yelled. She took out one and ate it angrily. "I'll eat this if I have to!"  
"I'll eat the rest of it," Kalluto stuck out his hand, and Alluka handed it over.  
Kalluto ate the rest of it. He threw the wrapper into a garbage can we kept in the back.  
When we arrived at home, it was already dinner time. That was how long the trip took.  
We were scolded for going out without dad's permission.  
And then Gon and I decided it would be a good idea to go on a date.  
While Gon was getting changed, since I already changed, I waited for Alluka to get out of the bathroom, since I had to take my anxiety pills.  
Alluka got out of the bathroom, smirking.  
"Alluka, why are you smirking?" I asked. "You didn't cause any mischief, did you?"   
She shrugged. "I just feel a little peculiar right now. But I knew you had to take your anxiety pills, so I put them out for you!"  
"Oh, well, thank you, Alluka." walked into the bathroom and saw my anxiety pills on the counter.  
"I hope she didn't do anything to them," I muttered, as I looked at the pills. "I'll take three this time."  
So I took three of the anxiety pills.  
I walked out,,and saw Gon was ready to leave.  
"You can't use the car anymore," Dad said. "You can walk."  
I sighed. "We were going to walk, anyway."  
"Alright, well, have fun, and don't do anything stupid," He answered.  
"Okay!" I nodded.  
We walked out the door, and I locked it. We made our way to a fancy restaurant one block down.  
When we were seated at our table, which had a white table cloth and a candle, Gon said, "This place looks pricy."  
"It is," I replied. "I think I have enough."  
After a while, we talked, until I realized something was wrong. And that was when I realized I had a random erection. Dammit, why now?  
'Maybe it'll go away after a while,' I thought to myself.  
Well, it didn't.  
While we were eating dinner and dessert, I still had it the entire time.  
'Alright, something's definitely wrong,' I thought. 'It should have gone away now. Besides, Gon and I didn't even do anything!'  
After, I paid for the food, and I got up, hoping Gon wouldn't notice the unwanted erection.  
We left, and then Gon grabbed my hand. "I had a great time tonight!"  
"I did too," I replied.  
When we got back, Gon got changed and he got in bed, and fell asleep.  
I went back downstairs.  
I looked at the clock. It had been 8 hours, and now it was 9:00pm. Now I knew something was wrong. The others were already asleep, except for Illumi, Alluka, and Kalluto. Alluka and Kalluto were playing Super Smash Bros. on our Wii U, and Illumi was preparing a snack for them.  
"Uh, Illumi," I walked up to him.  
"Yes, Killua?" He replied.  
"What do you do when you for some reason got a random boner even though you didn't do anything and it hasn't gone away for 8 hours?" I asked.  
He looked at me. "Did you do anything?"  
"What? No!" I replied. "I was just sitting down at the table talking with Gon, and then it just... Happened."  
"Were you talking about-"  
"Of course not!" I answered. "There were PEOPLE!"  
"Oh," He replied. "Well, did you take anything?"  
"I took my anxiety pills," I answered.  
"Hm, let's just make sure," He said.  
We looked in the bathroom, I noticed I left my anxiety pills out on the counter.  
He looked at the bottle. "I think I found the problem."  
"What is it?" I asked.  
He showed me the label that was poorly made, that said "anxiety pills". He tore it off, to reveal another label.  
"The pills you took were viagra," He answered.  
"Someone... Misplaced my anxiety pills with viagra?!" I asked.  
"Yes, and they did a poor job," He replied. "Now we've figured it out."  
He walked back downstairs.  
I paced around the bathroom, trying to think about how this could've happened.  
That's when I remember that Alluka said she left out my anxiety pills for me.  
She must've replaced my anxiety pills with viagra.  
I stormed downstairs. Alluka and Kalluto were still playing Smash.  
"Darn it! How come you always win? I even picked Corrin!" She yelled. She then noticed me. "Oh, hi, big brother!"  
"That's because Link is more powerful than Corrin," Kalluto stated.  
"I need to talk to you for a minute," I said to Alluka.  
"Oh, okay!" She replied.  
"I'll pause the game," Kalluto paused the game, as I walked into the other bathroom to talk to her.  
"Alluka, did you replace my anxiety pills with viagra pills?" I asked.  
She immediately looked like she was trying not to laugh. "Of... Of Course not, Big brother!"  
"Be honest," I replied.  
"I would NEVER do something like that!" She was really trying not to laugh.  
"Are you sure?" I asked.  
"Positive," She replied.  
I sighed. "Alright, you can go back to playing your game now."  
She ran off to continue playing Smash.  
I went upstairs, got changed, and climbed into bed.  
I had a feeling something was still not right. Probably just because the goddamn erection still wasn't going away.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
BONUS  
Alluka's POV  
I laughed. "Big brother totally believed me!"  
"What did he ask you?" Kalluto tilted his head curiously.  
I tried to stop laughing so I could explain.  
"I... Replaced his anxiety pills with dad's viagra pills!" I laughed even more. "And when he asked if I did it, he totally believed me!"  
Kalluto sighed. "Oh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alluka you lil troll  
> Also my fren and I came up with this idea in class so yeah ° v °


	30. Chapter 30 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 4th. Alluka is back with more questions. Can't Killua just enjoy his tea in peace?

I sat at the table with my cup of hot tea that Gon made for me.  
"Big brother," Alluka said.  
"Yes?" I replied.  
"Can I ask you a question?" She asked.  
"Sure," I answered.  
"What's the difference between an organism and an orgasm?"  
I spit out my tea.  
"What?!" I was shocked by the question.  
"What's the difference between an organism and an orgasm?" She repeated.  
I coughed. "That's quite a question to ask, Alluka."  
"Please answer it? I asked in science class and everybody laughed at me! AGAIN! Our substitute teacher Ms. Siberia just said to ask mom and dad or you!" She said. "It's so unfair!"  
"You can't just ask stuff like that," I said.  
"Why?" She tilted her head in confusion.  
"You... You just can't," I answered. "It's kind of awkward, you know."  
"Oh, okay," She replied, as I took another sip of my tea. "By the way, do you have any kinks or fetishes?"  
I choked on my tea. As soon as I caught my breath, I said, "You can't just people about their sexual fantasies so casually?"  
"Why?" She asked. "I'm just curious."  
My face was red. I coughed once more. "It's embarrassing to answer stuff like that!"  
"Whyyyyy? You do, don't you?" She replied.  
"Alluka, can we just drop this topic-"  
"What's a ballgag?"  
I spit out my tea again.  
Gon overheard.  
"Where are you even finding all of this stuff anyway?" Gon asked.  
"School," Alluka answered. "Felicity said her older sister has one. And everyone talks about them, and they sound cool!"  
I jumped a bit at her saying "they sound cool" about something like that.  
"Alluka, I think you're scaring your brother," Gon said. He wasn't exactly wrong.  
"Oh, sorry, big brother!" She immediately apologized.  
"It's fine, Alluka," I replied. "Please just let me drink my tea."  
"Oh, okay!" She turned to Gon. "Can you answer my questions?"  
"Ummm..." He was unsure.  
I relaxed a bit.  
Now I know that I wouldn't have to deal with her embarrassing questions anymore.  
However... That was Gon's problem now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, the organism/orgasm question was something I used to wonder until I found out.  
> Oh and sorry that this chapter was so short


	31. Chapter 31 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 6th. Just some fluff.

It was 7:00 at night. Killua and I had gotten changed, and we were watching Kalluto and Alluka playing Super Smash Bros.  
"Darn it! Link's too overpowered, I told you!" Alluka yelled as Kalluto let out a small laugh, which was unusual, since he seemed depressed the entire time I was visiting.  
Her phone vibrated. "Oh, a text! I'll respond after this match!"  
"Well, they seem to be enjoying themselves, aren't they?" I asked Killua.  
"Yeah," He replied. "I'm still kind of concerned for Kalluto. He seems... A bit sad."  
We watched as Kalluto beat Alluka in a match with no problem.  
"GG, Kallu! Now I'll look at the text!" She looked at the text on her phone and then she turned to Killua.  
"I'll pause the game," Kalluto paused the game.  
"Big brother, what does Netflix & chill mean?" He leaped back a bit at the question.  
"W-what?! Why?!" His response was a bit defensive, and then I realized that we've done the whole "Netflix & chill" thing quite a few times before.  
"Because one of my classmates asked if I wanna go over to his place to do Netflix & chill," Killua's sister explained. "It's just hanging out and watching Netflix, right?"  
"Uhm, it's much more than that," Killua replied, his face a bit red. He coughed. "Much more."  
"Can you tell me?" She asked.  
"No!" He said.  
"Why??? At least whisper it into my ear? Please, big brother?" She asked.  
Killua sighed. "Fine, fine."  
He walked over, and whispered into her ear.  
"Ohhh," She immediately looked disgusted. "Ew! Why would I wanna Netflix & chill with a GUY?! I only date GIRLS!"  
"Then just tell him, 'sorry, no thanks'," Killua told her. "It's simple."  
"Oh, okay!" She started typing on her phone. "Sent! Now let's continue playing!"  
"Alright," He unpaused the game and they started playing again.  
Shortly after, her phone buzzed again.  
"Are you KIDDING me?!" Alluka sighed.  
Kalluto paused the game again and looked over her shoulder. "What did he send you?"  
"Kallu, you're not old enough to understand some of this!" She said.  
"But I'm only one year younger than you," He said.  
"Okay, you're probably not gonna understand though," Alluka told him.  
They both looked at the text.  
"Ew!" They both said, as they read the text.  
"I'm blocking that creep," Alluka said as she blocked him.  
"What is it now?" Killua asked.  
She showed him the text.  
"I found some vibrators in my sister's room though..." The text said.  
"I'm glad you blocked him," Killua said as he handed her phone back to her.  
"Anyway, let's go do something, I'm bored," I said.  
We both went upstairs.  
We turned off the lights and Killua got out a small light he had. We put the covers over us and turned on the light.  
We sat next to each other and I put my arms around him. "I just wanna talk."  
"Same here," Killua said. "Besides, it's not like Alluka's gonna wanna eavesdrop."  
"Yeah," I replied.  
After a few seconds, he said, "Why are you so much taller than me? It's not fair."  
I laughed. "You're just the right height for me to pull you close. You might not like being short, but hey, I think that's what makes you adorable." I pulled him closer.  
"I love you," He said.  
"I love you too," I replied. "I love everything about you, and I don't understand how people can hate you."  
"I love everything about you too," He responded. "I especially love how you can make everything better in an instant. When I'm upset, you always make me feel better."  
"I love how you get embarrassed so easily," I said. "Your insults are adorable, and just everything about you is adorable."  
"I'm not adorable!" He started blushing. "Shut up!"  
I laughed once more. "This is what I'm talking about. You ARE adorable."  
"No I'm not," He protested.  
"You are," I said.  
We turned off the small light and we laid down, and I still kept my arms around him.  
"I'm not adorable! Stop saying I am," He said.  
"You are, Killua," I argued. "No matter how much you argue, I'll still think you're adorable. I love you, though."  
"I love you too," He replied.  
And we fell asleep next to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry kiddos no smut today


	32. Chapter 32 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 13th. Gon is back in Yorknew, but something happens during one of his calls with Killua.

Well.  
I was back in Yorknew City. Again.  
I didn't like being separated from Killua. It didn't feel right.  
But it was a good thing Killua and I did facecam calls most of the time.  
I was currently getting ready to go into a call with Killua.  
When I was ready, I called.  
My facecam was on... But why wasn't Killua's?  
"WE NEED TO BUILD A WALL!"  
Wait. That wasn't Killua.  
It was... A man. Who was this man?  
The person then hung up.  
"Uh... What happened?" I texted him.  
"We need to build a wall to keep people like you out" the person responded.  
"Uhhh..."  
"You just got roasted, son" He replied. I had a feeling it wasn't him.  
"Trolololololol it's just a prank bro" the response said.  
"Uh, are you okay?" I asked.  
"OH MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY THAT WAS ALLUKA" The response read.  
I laughed a bit. "It's fine."  
"Anyway, let's try that again."  
I tried calling again. He picked up. My facecam was on, and so was Killua's.  
"I'm so sorry about that," He said. He then turned around. "Alluka, you can't just do stuff like that!"  
"Sorry, big brother," She apologized. "I just had the sudden urge to do some trolling. I don't know... I don't think I should've done that..."  
"Well, maybe you should try trolling your ex-girlfriend?" He suggested. "She deserves it."  
"O-okay," She said. "Sorry, big brother..."  
He hugged her. "It's fine, okay, just try trolling someone else."  
"Alright," She left the room.  
"Again, sorry about that," He said. "She's just been obsessed with trolling lately."  
"It's okay," I laughed a bit. "I was only just a bit confused."  
"I miss you already," Killua said.  
"I do too," I replied. "Has Alluka asked any other questions?"  
"She asked what 69 was," He coughed. "I didn't tell her."  
"Good," I said. "Where does she find all of this stuff?"  
"I dunno," Killua replied. "Though apparently in science she's going to learn about human reproduction. I hope she doesn't embarrass herself."  
"Oh god," I said. "I feel like it's gonna end horribly."  
We talked for almost the entire night.  
A few weeks later, Killua updated me.  
"The science lesson didn't end well. We got a call from the school." His text read.  
________________________________________________________________________________________  
BONUS  
Alluka's POV  
I sat in science class. We were learning about human reproduction. Which I actually didn't know about.  
I was sitting next to my girlfriend, Felicity.  
We were wasting our teacher's time with stupid questions.  
Felicity raised her hand.  
I could tell that our teacher, Ms. Siberia was trying not to be annoyed. "Yes, Felicity?  
"If you shove a carrot inside of you, will you get pregnant? If so, would the children be humans or carrots, or perhaps human carrot hybrids?" She asked. The class laughed.  
"Felicity, to the principal's office, please," She said.  
Felicity nodded and went to the office.  
I raised my hand.  
"Is it important?" Ms. Siberia asked.  
"Yes," I replied.  
"Okay..." She seemed skeptical.  
"I overheard my brother and his boyfriend having hot gay sex. Who's going to get pregnant, my brother or his boyfriend?"  
The whole class was killing themselves laughing.  
She pointed to the door. "Principal's office, now, Miss Zoldyck."  
So I went to the principal's office, and sat in a chair next to Felicity.  
"What happened?" He asked Ms. Siberia.  
She explained the whole situation.  
He sighed. "Again?"  
And after being lectured by the principal, he called someone on the phone and was talking to them.  
And then... Big brother came to school to pick me up.  
"What did you do?" He asked.  
"Well, in class we were learning about human reproduction, and then Felicity and I thought it would be a good idea to waste Ms. Siberia's time with stupid questions!" I said.  
Big brother looked at me. "What did you ask?"  
"Well, I said 'I overheard my brother and his boyfriend having hot gay sex. Who's going to get pregnant, my brother or his boyfriend?'"  
His face turned red. "Why'd you have to tell them about THAT?!"  
"But the class laughed at it!" I said.  
Big brother let out a sigh. "You shouldn't waste your teacher's time. They're here to teach you."  
"Okay," I nodded.  
But really, I was totally going to ask even more questions next time.


	33. Chapter 33 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 15th. Killua comes home to find... Something unexpected.

I was at school, and school was almost over.  
I was in my least favourite class; math.  
I hated math with a passion. No, not because I'm bad at it, because it made it seem like time went by slower and slower.  
I had my phone in my hands, and I kept my hands underneath my desk to keep the teacher from seeing.  
"Hey, Killua, are you done class yet?" The text from Gon said.  
"No, but the teacher hasn't caught me yet." I replied.  
"Oh. Well, I'll wait until you're done to text you. Love you." The reply read.  
I was trying my hardest not to smile. If I did, the teacher would figure out that I was texting in class.  
When class was over, I tried my best to avoid the others.  
"Hey, Zoldyck," One of my bullies said. "Zoldyck, get over here."  
"No," I replied.  
"I said, get over here!" He smacked me against a locker.  
He and the others laughed, and they punched me and kicked me, until I got up and ran outside.  
I walked home by myself. Usually, I'd walk with Alluka and Kalluto, but they got sick.  
I got my keys out and opened the door.  
"I'm home," I said.  
"Big brother!" Alluka smiled. "Welcome home!"  
"Yo," Kalluto said.  
"What are you making?" I asked them.  
"Slime!" Alluka answered. "We've made a lot so far!"  
"Oh, you have?" I asked. "What colours?"  
"Pink, purple, red, black, silver and blue!" Her grin grew wider. "We even made rainbow slime! Which was Kallu's idea!"  
"Whoa, why that many?" I asked.  
"We want to sell slime," Kalluto answered. "We're donating the money to the animal shelter and to charity."  
"Which was also Kallu's idea!" Alluka added.  
"Oh, that's sweet of you," I said.  
"I agree!" Alluka nodded. "Kallu really is sweet!"  
"W-what?" I could tell he was getting a bit embarrassed. "T-thanks..."  
"KILLUA!"  
I heard my mother call from upstairs.  
"Oh, and mom is cleaning your room," Alluka told me.  
"I wonder what she wants now," I put my backpack on the table and went upstairs.  
I saw my mother in my room.  
"What is it?"  
She pointed to my bed, which was covered in a sticky, white substance.  
"Killua, we KNOW what you and your boyfriend have been doing, but come on. Would it really hurt to CLEAN your bedsheets after you do it?" She asked.  
"Oh my god, I am so sorry," I said. "That was NOT there before, I swear. That was NOT from us."  
She squinted her eyes suspiciously. "I don't think so. You don't need to hide it, but I am very disappointed. Next time, actually clean your bedsheets after you do it."  
I sighed. "But I did-"  
"Now, go back downstairs and do your homework," She said, as she turned the vacuum on. "You won't be able to use your laptop for a week as punishment."  
I went downstairs.  
"Oh, I forgot to tell you the other colour we made," Alluka said, with a mischievous grin on her face. "White."  
"Is THAT what that stuff was on my bed?" I asked.  
She nodded.  
"She insisted on playing a prank on you," Kalluto said. "She wanted to convince mom that it was... Stuff... and not slime. And so she decided to spread it all over your bedsheets in hopes that mom would mistaken it for... something else." He coughed.  
"Oh," I replied. "Come on, can't I get a break?"  
"Sorry," Alluka apologized, but started laughing.  
I sighed. "This stuff washes out though, right?"  
She shrugged. "I dunno."  
Well, dammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend came up with this idea in class lmao  
> Thanks Monica


	34. Chapter 34 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 20th. A normal talk turned into a rather interesting conversation.

"What do you want for dinner?" I asked my two younger siblings as they sat at the dinner table.  
"Mom, dad, Illumi and Milluki aren't gonna make dinner?" Alluka asked.  
"No, remember? They went on another trip," I reminded her.  
"Right..." She sighed.  
"They go on a lot of business trips," Kalluto said.  
"I know. Soooo," I said. "I'll make you guys dinner! What do you want?"  
"Do we have rice?" Kalluto asked.  
I looked in the cupboard. "Yes," I replied.  
"What about salmon?" He asked.  
I looked in the fridge. "Yes."  
"Oh! I know," Alluka said.  
"Okay," I shut the fridge door. "What's your suggestion?"  
"Rice with semen!"  
We paused for a minute. I was shocked at what she said.  
It took her a few minutes to realize what she just said.  
"Oh my god, I mean, salmon, haha!" She started laughing, and she was laughing so hard that I was starting to consider calling an ambulance.  
Kalluto tilted his head at Alluka. "What's semen?"  
Alluka smirked.  
"Don't do it, Alluka..." I warned her.  
She leaned in to whisper into his ear.  
"Don't do it..." I repeated.  
Too late. She whispered into his ear.  
Kalluto looked somewhat traumatized. "So... I-it's the same thing a-as...?"  
"Yes," She replied. "The same thing as cu-"  
"SHHH," I said. "No. Don't say it. What have you even been seeing?"  
"U-uh, nothing!" Alluka said nervously. "Nope! Nothing! The rice/semen thing was an honest mistake!"  
"I have a feeling it wasn't," My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Are you sure?"  
"U-um, uh, of course, big brother!" Alluka answered. I was unsure if this was a lie or not.  
"Why were you even thinking of that word anyway?" I asked.  
"E-eh...? I don't know..." She replied, as she started walking away slowly.  
"Alluka, don't leave," I said.  
"Nope!" She ran upstairs.  
"She was squealing over a fanfiction earlier," Kalluto told me. "She said, and I quote, 'it had hardcore boy on boy action'... What does that mean, Killua?"  
"U-uh," I started blushing. "E-eh? You're too young for that..."  
"What do you mean?" He asked. "What is boy on boy action?"  
"E-eh?!" My face went even redder. "Y-you really want to know, don't you?!"  
He nodded. "Please?"  
"U-uh... Ask your sister," I coughed. "I'd rather not have to explain it to you."  
"Oh, okay," He started walking upstairs.  
After a few minutes, I realized that was a bad idea.  
"Dammit."  
Now, time to question my life decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes the "rice/semen" thing actually happened in school yesterday  
> My fren and I were talking and she asked "What do you think is with the rice in my thermos?", and I meant to say salmon but I said semen instead and we just started killing ourselves laughing  
> Yummi yummi rice with semen  
> Chef's special!


	35. Chapter 35 - Gon's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 22nd. Some odd things happen during Killua and Gon's call.

I watched as Killua ran his hand through his thick, fluffy white hair.  
"Nothing new's happened, really," He says. "Other than my mom taking my laptop away for something I didn't do."  
"What?" I asked. "What happened?"  
"Alluka was making slime," He said. "She decided it was a good idea to make white slime and spread it all over my bed in attempts to make it look like semen. And hell, mom believed it."  
"Wow," I said in shock. "Alluka's sure changed, hasn't she?"  
"I'm still in the room, you know!" I heard a familiar voice yell.  
Killua turned around. "Yes, I know. Please just go back to sleep. You are still ill."  
"Is Alluka sick?" I asked.  
"Yeah, she and Kalluto both got some sort of bad cough," He turned back to the screen. "I told her to rest but she's just not going to."  
"That's because it's too hot in here!" She yelled.  
"I'll turn down the heat-" He managed to get out before I interrupted.  
"Maybe it's so hot because you're in there," I said.  
Killua started blushing. "Idiot, she's still-"  
"HAH, GAAAAAAY!" Alluka said.  
"Gon, you suck," He said, jokingly.  
Alluka immediately sat up. "Oh yeah? Well, you SWALLOW!"  
Killua turned around immediately.  
We didn't think Alluka knew what that meant.  
I burst out laughing and was basically dying of laughter, while Killua was still shocked and unimpressed.  
"Alluka... Where did you hear that joke?" He asked, sternly.  
"I was watching a YouTuber named Pewdiepie and that's what HE said to his hater!" She shrugged.  
"Alluka, that joke is inappropriate," He tried to explain. "You can't say inappropriate jokes like that. People might not like that."  
"But what's wrong with it?" She tilted her head curiously. "I mean... It's just like swallowing food, right?"  
Yeah, food and other stuff too.  
So she DIDN'T know what it meant. Interesting.  
"So you DON'T know what it means?" Killua asked.  
"No," She answered. "I mean, yeah, of course! Again, swallowing food and water, right?"  
"It's much more than that," He tried to say.  
"Then what is it?" Alluka asked.  
"You'll find out when you're older," He said.  
"Please, big brother?" She said.  
"Fine," He whispered it into her ear, and she started laughing.  
"Oh my god, that's what it means?" She started coughing.  
"Alluka, try to go to sleep, I'm gonna go downstairs," He picked up his phone and went into his living room.  
"There," He got onto his couch and leaned his phone against a pillow. "Much better."  
"Alluka still with her girlfriend?" I asked.  
"Yes," He answered. "I saw her ex when I was at the mall to look for stuff to get for her and Kalluto's slime project and I think I scared some sense into her."  
The words "scared some sense into her" sent a shiver down my back. I knew why not to mess with Killua.  
"What did you do to her...?" I asked.  
"I sneaked up behind her and told her that I knew what she did to Alluka, and that I would have my revenge soon," He answered. "She ran off screaming, 'Alluka's brother is possessed! Alluka's brother is possessed!'."  
"Uh... Wow," I didn't have much to say, really. Killua was scary at times, but hey, I was okay with that.  
"Scared? That's what I did to the people who disrespected you before I moved away," He said. He let out a quiet laugh. "Good times."  
"Have you been okay while I've been gone?" I suddenly asked.  
Dead silence.  
"Okay? No. Depressed? Yeah. Suicidal? Maybe. Happy? No. But Happy when I'm talking to you? Yes," He answered. "To put it bluntly."  
"Killua, I told you, you can vent to me if you want to!" I said.  
"I guess," He shrugged.  
Suddenly, Alluka sneaked behind him and whispered loudly into his ear. Actually, it was more of a whisper yell.  
"Hey little mama, let me whisper in your ear!"  
Killua jumped.  
"Jesus, Alluka! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" He said.  
Alluka laughed. "Sorry, big brother!" She ran off.  
I laughed.  
We talked for a few more hours before going to bed.  
"Okay? No. Depressed? Yeah. Suicidal? Maybe. Happy? No."  
What did that mean?  
I turned over onto my side in my bed.  
Did I really affect him that much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LITTLE MAMA LET ME WHISPER IN YOUR EAR


	36. Chapter 36 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 23rd. Killua is so done right how.

"Big brother, why are you moving my bed?" Alluka asked, as I dragged her bed into Kalluto's room.  
I put the bed down for a minute. It wasn't exactly light. "I'm moving you into Kalluto's room. I need privacy."  
"Oh..." She seemed disappointed at first, but perked up. "OH! Now I can show Kallu stuff on the internet!"  
Kalluto looked half-dead, half-terrified. I could understand why.  
"All we need to move is this dumbass bed-"  
"Big brother!" Alluka slapped me across the face. Which, surprisingly, hurt. "Don't swear!"  
"Okay, okay, sorry," I ruffled her hair and I picked up the bed again. I moved her bed to the other side of Kalluto's room.  
"There, all done," I wiped my hands on my shorts.  
"Yay!" She seemed happy, while Kalluto still looked somewhat scared.  
"Much better," I said, as I headed to the bathroom to take my anti-depressants.  
"Wait, Kallu, let's make some more slime!" I overheard her say, excitedly, with a hint of mischief in her voice.  
"Not without my supervision, you're not!" I yelled.  
I quickly took my anti-depressants with some water and I put them back in the medicine cabinet and put the latch on. I was glad that Alluka wasn't tall enough to reach the latch yet. I had only put the latch on recently, since I couldn't risk it.  
I couldn't leave them or my anti-depressants alone without something happen. If I wasn't supervising Alluka and Kalluto, Alluka would cause some mischief. If I left my anti-depressants alone, it would end up like the whole anxiety pills situation all over again.  
I walked downstairs and saw the two with a bunch of ingredients on the table.  
We didn't have school, since today was a professional day. However, that gave me even more issues to deal with. What to do with today, what to do with Alluka... Kalluto wasn't much of a problem, since he was so reserved and obediant. Which was also an issue, since he often followed Alluka.  
"Borax, glue, food colouring, glitter and water," Alluka listed off the ingredients as she scrolled down the page of a WikiHow article on her iPhone. "We have all that, right? Oh, and the LCD."  
Kalluto nodded, as he held up a small container with some cream-ish coloured stuff in it.  
"What is that?" I asked, as I pointed to the small container.  
"Liquid Crystal Display, otherwise known as LCD," Alluka said. "It's the stuff that's in TV screens, phone screens, computer screens, you get the shtick."  
"Uh, I don't think that stuff is safe to use in slime," I warned her.  
She shrugged. "Okay! I'll use it in my nail art videos!"  
"Anything else?" I asked.  
"I have a whole bunch of holo powders and sludge!" She got out quite a few jars filled with silver-rainbow glitter stuff.  
"How many do you have?" Kalluto asked.  
"Well, let's see... Let's make holo slime! There's Rainbow Linear Paste, and then there's all the powders! Pure Holo, Holo Hoop, Space Holo, there's so much holo!" She was getting excited already.  
"Well, okay," I sat on the couch and watched them make slime for almost an hour.  
After they were done, Alluka showed me the slime. "Look at all the holo slime we made!"  
"Wow, great job, guys!" I praised them, which made Alluka smile. They had made around 20 slimes.  
"Thanks, big brother!" Alluka smiled at me.  
"Why did you make so much slime, anyway?" I asked, since I was confused enough.  
"We're selling them! Duh," She answered, looking somewhat pissed.  
"Oh," I replied. "How much?"  
"5 dollars each!" Her expression immediately changed.  
"We're selling them on Etsy," Kalluto said, as he packaged the slimes.  
"Don't you have to be 18 or something?" I questioned them.  
"Naaaah," Alluka replied.  
"Now, I think you should practice your instruments," I told them.  
"What do you mean?" Alluka tilted her head, confused by my words. She seemed to be thinking long and hard, trying to remember what I was talking about.  
"Don't you and Kalluto play in band?" I sighed. She immediately snapped back to reality.  
"Right, right! Kallu plays the trombone, but I play the clarinet!" She grabbed Kalluto by the hand. "Come on, Kallu! Let's go practice!"  
"O-okay..." I went upstairs too, to make sure that nothing went wrong.  
I watched as they both played A Little Night Music on their instruments.  
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a minute," I said.  
I went to the bathroom. As I came back, I saw Kalluto on the ground choking on something, and struggling to get air.  
"What happened?!" I asked. "I wasn't even gone for that long!"  
"I asked Kalluto if he would do the 'When Mom Isn't Home' thing with me, since he plays the trombone, and he said no. I said I'd give him a Snickers if he would do it, and he said he would. So I gave it to him and he started eating it. And then he stopped and started choking, it seemed like he couldn't breathe."  
"Oh my god, Alluka," I handed her the phone. "Call 911. NOW!"  
She did, and I ran downstairs to get our coats and some stuff so that we wouldn't be bored while we were waiting.  
When I got back up, I saw Alluka was still trying to get on.  
"911, what's your emergency?" The responder asked.  
"Okay, you gotta help, my brother is choking on nuts, and-" She started laughing.  
"Is this a joke?" The responder asked.  
"Alluka, stop laughing! This is serious!" I scolded her. "Kalluto could DIE!"  
"Sorry, sorry," She cleared her throat. "My brother is choking on nuts- Oh my god, I mean, he's choking on some chocolate WITH nuts, and he passed out and OH GOD, HE HAS HIVES AND HIS EYES ARE RED AND SWOLLEN! YEAH, JUST BE QUICK PLEASE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED MY BROTHER!"  
And so she spent the next few minutes trying to explain the situation and where we were.  
And before we knew it, we were in the waiting room, waiting for results.  
When the nurse came, she said, "He has a nut allergy, and since he has asthma, if he consumes nuts, his throat will swell up, and make it even harder for him to breathe."  
"Where did I go wrong?!" Alluka asked.  
"We need to do some tests on him, so he'll be staying the night," The doctor told us.  
I nodded. "Alright."  
We left after a while.  
"Again, where did I go wrong?!" Alluka asked once more.  
"Alluka, you know we have to be careful with Kalluto," I told her. "If he can't breathe because of allergies, that's bad enough. Combine that with asthma and you have disaster. You know his asthma is severe enough."  
"I know, I'm sorry, big brother," She said.  
"It's okay, Alluka," I said, as I hugged her. "Don't think this is your fault. You didn't know."  
"Okay," She sighed.  
When we got back home, I heated up leftover rice and salmon.  
"It feels empty in this house without Kallu," She said, in an unenthusiastic tone, which was unlike her.  
"I know, but he'll be back tomorrow," I told her.  
I went upstairs to go on my laptop, since my parents decided to hide my phone from me until they got back.  
I got on Skype to talk to Gon.  
We decided to do a call. Without our facecams on.  
"Hey," I said.  
"Killua, are, are you okay?" Gon asked. "You don't sound okay."  
"Why do you even bother?" I asked.  
"What do you- What do you mean?" He replied.  
"Why do you even bother to care about me?" I asked.  
"Why wouldn't I?" He replied. "I love you very much, Killua. There wouldn't be a reason for me to not care about you!"  
"But why bother anyway?! I'm not worth it! It seems like every person I get close to ends up having something terrible happen to them! And when things start getting better, something HAS to ruin it!" I yelled. "Why do you even think we have a long distance relationship now?! Because when things were getting better for us, my family had to ruin it!"  
"Killua, is-"  
"And I leave the room for one minute and my brother is FUCKING DYING," I raised my voice even more. "AND YOU'VE TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF, LIKE, 3 TIMES OR SOMETHING! WHY DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?! WOULD IT HELP IF I JUST... DIED?!"  
"Killua, calm down," Gon said. "No, of course it wouldn't-"  
"I know you're lying," I lowered my voice, but not by much. "It wouldn't make sense that only one person would love me in a world where everyone hates me."  
"Killua, stop saying those things, please," Gon begged. "Please, don't..."  
"Nobody would even blink if someone like ME died!" I said.  
"That's wrong!" He started to raise his voice. "I would care!"  
"WHY DO YOU THINK I STILL CUT?!" I asked. "WHY DO YOU THINK I'VE TRIED TO DIE SO MANY TIMES?! NOBODY LIKES ME. I'VE ACCEPTED IT, GON."  
"Even if you've accepted it, I haven't," He said.  
"WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER WITH ME?! I'M STUPID, PATHETIC, AND A TERRIBLE PERSON," I yelled. "WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK THEY BEAT ME UP?!"  
"They're stupid and don't matter," Gon told me. "If I were there right now, I'd pull you close and tell you that it's okay. They don't matter. You do."  
I started to sob. "DON'T LIE TO ME. I KNOW THIS WORLD HATES ME, AND I KNOW YOU HATE ME TOO!"  
"No, that's wrong," He continued to argue. "You do matter in this world. I love you more than anything else in this world. Everytime you say something about you hating yourself, it hurts me. So please, don't do anything to yourself."  
I sighed. "Like I matter?"  
"You do matter," He argued. "Your bullies don't."  
I sniffed. "I guess I feel a bit calmer, now."  
"Good," Gon said.  
"I want to talk about something else now," I said.  
"Like what?" He asked.  
And we started talking.  
I still felt upset, though.  
Because I still hated not having Gon with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all knew I would go back to writing angst again


	37. Chapter 37 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 14th. Killua receives a parcel from Gon.

I watched as Alluka dashed around the kitchen in a mad rush to find the ingredients for her cake.  
"It's piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, if the way is hazy, you gotta do the cooking by the book..." She scurried around as she sang the rest of Cooking By The Book. "Where's the flour...?!"  
"I can get it for-" Kalluto managed to get out, before he was interrupted.  
"No, you cannot!" She stopped him. "You cannot accidentally breathe in this stuff! If it gets in your lungs or you inhale it, you could DIE! Not that you'd be snorting flour as cocaine anyway..." The last part was a bit quiet.  
"Alluka!" I said. "No drug jokes, please."  
"Big brother, can you please help me find the flour?" She asked me.  
I got up from the couch and paused the movie I had been watching with Kalluto. Which was The Little Mermaid.  
I opened the cupboard and got the flour down for her. I handed it to her.  
"Thank you," She poured it into the measuring cup, and then poured the flour from the measuring cup into the bowl.  
"Are you sure you don't want me to help-" Kalluto asked.  
"Yes, I am sure! You cannot breathe this stuff, and I don't want you to get an asthma attack from snorting co- I mean, flour," She quickly mixed the batter.  
"I'm fine, though," He tried to tell her.  
"I'd let you help but your health is at risk here!" She said.  
"How exactly?" He asked.  
"Again, if you inhale any of these ingredients, you could get an asthma attack and die!" She said.  
"I don't think I'll die," Kalluto said.  
"You could, and it's a possibility," Alluka tried to quickly clean up the mess she had made.  
"You shouldn't rush your cooking, though," He told her.  
"It presents a large risk to you!" She said once more, trying to clean the flour. "Not to mention Felicity is arriving in 15 minutes!"  
The doorbell rang.  
I answered the door.  
There was a parcel on the doorstep.  
It was large.  
I picked it up and then carried it inside.  
I looked at the address.  
"Nice box," Alluka said, in a mad rush to clean up the huge mess she made in the kitchen. "Who's it from?"  
"Gon, apparently," I told her.  
"You should open it!" She said, now trying to clean a large melted butter spill.  
I did.  
And there were quite a few things inside.  
"Whoa," I looked at the large box of chocolates inside. "That... Is a lot of chocolate."  
I looked through it some more.  
I found a silver ring.  
With a note attached to it.  
"We should get married soon."  
Oh.  
I started blushing.  
I put on the new ring.  
I saw a letter.  
So I decided to read it as Alluka scurried around the kitchen, yelling some rather unique words.  
"Son of a snap crackle pop! It wasn't even ON!" Was one of the things she yelled. She also yelled "Tarnation!" and "This piece of stool!"  
"Hey.  
You didn't think I'd forget Valentine's Day, aka our 3 year anniversary, did you?  
I got your parcel.  
And I knew I had to send you something.  
I know it's not much, but it's all I could afford with the money I had left.  
I hope you're not still stuck in that self-harm habit.  
You mean the whole world to me.  
Love you!  
\- Gon"  
I was blushing like crazy at this point.  
"Are we gonna continue watching?" Kalluto asked, snapping me back to reality.  
"Oh, uh, yeah, we can continue watching," I said, unpausing the movie.  
Alluka ran upstairs, and then after a few minutes, came downstairs wearing a red sweater and black pleated skirt with black knee high socks and black flats.  
The doorbell rang.  
She quickly took her small cake out of the oven and decorated it with pink and red icing.  
"I'll get it," I said, as I got up from my spot on the couch. I turned back to Kalluto. "You can continue watching. You don't need to pause it."  
He nodded, and continued watching.  
I answered the door, to see Alluka's girlfriend, Felicity, who was wearing a red shirt with black jacket and black pants, with brown boots.  
"Hi," She said.  
"Alluka's a bit, busy, right now. She's preparing something for you," I told her.  
"Oh, is she?" Felicity giggled. "She is so sweet. You're lucky to have her as a sister, aren't you?"  
"Of course I am!" I said.  
"Done!" Alluka yelled. I moved out of her way, as she handed Felicity a white box.  
"It's a cake," Alluka told her.  
Felicity smiled. "Thank you!"  
"Welcome, babe," They then kissed on the lips.  
I didn't feel mad or overprotected like with her last girlfriend. Her last girlfriend seemed to be using Alluka. But not Felicity. She seemed to genuinely care about her.  
"Now, let's go out!" Felicity grabbed Alluka by the arm, and pulled her outside.  
Alluka laughed. "Alright, alright," She turned back to me. "I'll be back at around 7:00!"  
I nodded, and gave a small smile.  
"Have fun, you two."  
"Alright! Bye!" They waved, and then they ran off laughing.  
I closed the door.  
"Uh... Killua... Can I ask you something?"  
I turned to Kalluto. He had paused the movie.  
"Oh! Yes?" I sat back down next to him.  
"Is it okay to like both boys and girls?" He asked.  
"Of course!" I answered, nodding. "Why wouldn't it be?"  
"I feel like mom and dad won't accept me," He said.  
"Just tell them how you really feel," I said. "If they accepted Illumi, Alluka and I, it wouldn't make sense for them not to accept you. But I accept you fully, no matter what. If they don't, then whatever, they're hypocrites. You can like both boys AND girls. Whatever makes you happy."  
"Thanks," He gave me a hug. Which was something rare from Kalluto.  
"You're welcome," I hugged him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has a problem with me making Kalluto bi, then idk why you're fine with me making Alluka a lesbian if you're not okay with me making Kalluto bi


	38. Chapter 38 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 18th. Sibling drama.

I sat next to Alluka at the dining room table as she ate her angel food cake.  
"I just feel like Kallu's avoiding me, you know?" She said.  
"Well, I mean, he has a boyfriend now," I told her.  
"What?" She was surprised.  
"You didn't know? I thought he told you," I said. "He's bi."  
"He never told me anything," Alluka frowned and took another bite of her cake. "Again, he seems a bit distant now."  
"Want me to tell him?" I asked.  
She nodded. "Yes please."  
I went upstairs to tell him. I knocked on the door to their room.  
Kalluto opened it. "Yeah?"  
"Alluka thinks you're avoiding her," I said.  
"I'm not avoiding Alluka," He told me. "I feel like she's avoiding me."  
I turned around. "I'll go tell her that."  
I walked back downstairs. "He thinks YOU'RE avoiding HIM."  
"I'm not avoiding him," Alluka put down her fork. "I'm just scared that he'll get hurt. I'm keeping him safe."  
"I'll tell him that," I went back upstairs.  
"Alluka said she's keeping you safe," I told him.  
"I feel like she's trying to make me jealous by hanging out with you more," He said.  
"I don't think she'd do that," I replied. "She's not like that. But I'll tell her that too."  
I went back downstairs again.  
"He thinks you're trying to make him jealous," I told her.  
"I'm not," She stopped eating her cake. "I feel like he hates me. Oh my god, does he hate me...?"  
"I don't think he hates you," I said. "But I'll tell him that too."  
I sighed and turned around. I walked back up the stairs. I was probably getting a workout from this.  
I stepped in front of their room yet again. "Alluka thinks you hate her."  
Kalluto played with his new red fidget spinner. "I don't. I just feel so... Lonely. And depressed. I think she hates me."  
"Hey, do you need to vent?" I asked.  
"No, it's fine," He said. "I just feel like she hates me."  
I turned around yet again. "I'll tell her that too."  
I went backstairs for the 100th time.  
"Kalluto thinks YOU hate HIM. He feels lonely and depressed," I told her.  
She took her last bite and put her plate and fork in the sink.  
"Oh my god, is it my fault? I'm so sorry if it is!" She seemed concerned.  
"I think you should go talk to him. Here," I handed her a box of tissues. "Just in case things get emotional."  
"Thanks," She went upstairs and I went upstairs too, except she went into their room and closed the door. I went into my room and saw I had a new Skype message on my laptop.  
"Hey, I dropped my phone in the bathtub so I can't text you :( Also this is Aunt Mito's laptop so if she looks through she can see all of our Skype messages"  
I facepalmed. How the hell does someone drop their phone in their bathtub? What did he even do?  
"How the hell did that happen???" I asked.  
"I wasn't even going to take a bath. I bought a bunch of bath bombs for some reason from a place that sells hand sanitizer and candles. And I was testing them. I was holding my phone in one hand, and a bath bomb in the other. I meant to drop the bath bomb but I accidentally dropped my phone instead :("  
I facepalmed. "You idiot."  
"I'm sorry Killuaaaaaa!" Was his response.  
I sighed. "I still love you, you idiot."  
"Oh, okay! I gotta go! Love you!"  
"Love you too." I replied.  
I closed my laptop.  
I heard crying coming from Alluka and Kalluto's room.  
Actually, from the both of them. Which was unusual.  
"I'm so sorry for making you think that I hate you! I'm just so scared of accidentally hurting you!" I heard Alluka sob.  
"I'm also sorry for making you think that I hate you," I heard Kalluto say.  
"I'm also sorry for making you feel lonely, jealous, and depressed!" She also said.  
"I forgive you," Kalluto said through cries. "Do you forgive me?"  
"Of course I do, Kallu!" She said.  
I walked downstairs and ate some cake.  
At least they were making up. Because I didn't like playing messenger.


	39. Chapter 39 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 27th. A depressed Killua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for self harm???

I stared out the window, at the city below that the sun shined light on. It was a beautiful day, yet here I was, contemplating life or death.  
I sighed as I watched the birds soar past the window. They seemed like happy creatures. Free to do what they wanted without being judged. Unlike me.  
I then heard someone knock on the door.  
I sighed as I got up and walked towards the door. I twisted the silver door knob and pulled the door open. I looked down to see Alluka.  
"What is it?" I asked. I wasn't sure if it was important or not, but maybe it was, if she had decided to knock on my door while I was in the middle of having an existential crisis.  
"How come Kalluto got a fidget spinner?" She tilted her head, curiously. "I know that he low-key has an obsession for them, but why?"  
"He worked for it," I said. "If you do your chores too, maybe I can buy you one. Is that what you want?"  
"Oh, nononono, it's not the FIDGET SPINNER that I want," Alluka shook her head vigorously.  
"Oh?" I was confused. "What is it you want, then?"  
"A kitten!" She grinned childishly. I was taken aback by this. Sure, she was an animal lover, but I thought she would be more into the trending stuff like fidget spinners, or that she would ask for some more slime supplies or ask for a 20 dollar Starbucks gift card. But I didn't think she wanted a pet. In fact, she hadn't shown any interests in adopting one.  
"A kitten?" I asked, nervously.  
"Mhm!" She nodded. She seemed to be in a good mood, unlike me. "If only Illumi, Milluki, mom and dad didn't hate kittens so much... They'd kill me if I brought a tiny animal into the house...."  
I thought for a minute. Alluka had been doing her chores like Kalluto, so it would be unfair to not get her something, but I didn't want to get her in trouble with mom or dad.  
I continued to think until Alluka interrupted my thoughts.  
"Pleeeease?" She begged.  
Even though I was depressed and suicidal, I cracked a small smile at her and pat her head. "I'll see if I can do something about that."  
"Really?!" She smiled even more.  
I nodded. "Only if you continue to do your chores for a week."  
"Yay! Thanks, big brother!" She smiled at me once more and ran back to her room.  
As soon as she left, I stopped smiling and closed the door again.  
I sat on my bed and continued to contemplate life or death.  
I hated life. I hated school, myself, basically everything about myself and life. The only thing that brought me true happiness was Gon. I wanted to see him again. To hear his voice. Except we were separated by long distances. Just being reminded of this very fact made me want to cry my eyes out.  
I put a hand through my messy, white hair and sighed.  
And being the depressed person I was, I started crying to myself quietly. After a while, I went to the bathroom to take my anti-depressants. I looked at the razor blades near the sink and was tempted to grab them and cut my wrists with them once more. I wasn't able to resist the temptation this time. I pressed the blades into my skin, watching as they cut into my skin without a problem. I watched as the blood dripped down my arm and wiped it with the hand towel I usually used.  
I walked back into my bedroom to get dressed, and I wore the usual. A blue turtleneck sweater with a white shirt and some grey-blue shorts. If I wore the sweater, people wouldn't see the blood overflowing from my wrists.  
I really hated being alive. I really did.  
All I wanted was to see Gon again. But that wasn't going to happen.  
I continued to contemplate life or death, but at this point of time, I was preferring the option of death.  
Gon was the only thing I had left, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYFUCKINGGOD  
> DID Y'ALL HEAR  
> HUNTY IS COMING OFF HIATUS! HUNTY IS COMING OFF HIATUS!  
> I WILL REPEAT IT ONCE AGAIN, BUT NO MORE;  
> HUNTY IS COMING OFF HIATUS!  
> TIME TO SAVE YOUR MONEY, KIDS!


	40. Chapter 40 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 3rd. A depressed Killua gets to talk to Gon again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! This is really sudden but if you notice that my username has changed, please do not panic.   
> This is indeed the writer, and I'm sorry I didn't say that I was changing my username sooner.  
> I had to change it due to someone threatening my privacy, which was scaring me. You do not need to worry, as I am fine now. Please do not get anyone involved. Everything is fine now. Besides, the person has no way of proving that I am who I say. There are tons of other people pretending to be Killua out there.  
> I'll let you get on with the story now!!

The past few days were horrible for me. Getting beaten up, threatened, kicked, all that horrible stuff. My mood wasn't any better either; the depression still lingered.  
I sat at the end of my bed, still contemplating whether death was a good idea or not, when I heard something from my laptop.  
I checked what it was. It was a message from Gon.  
"Hey, I got a new phone!!" The message read.   
As soon as I finished reading it, I was getting a call from Gon.  
I laid on my stomach and accepted the call.  
Our facecams were on.  
"So you finally got a new phone?" I asked.   
"Haha, yeah," He laughed, which was music to my ears.  
"What have you been doing in the meantime?" I put a hand through my hair.  
"Nothing much, just school and homework," He answered. "What about you?"  
"Eh? Not much," I sighed. "It's boring without you here..."  
"It's boring without YOU here," He said. "Anyway, have you been okay without me? You don't look okay."  
"Not really," I said. "I feel depressed whenever I'm not talking to you."  
"Killua..." He began. "I told you, you need to see a therapist. As much as it pains me to say this, I can't be with you all the time. But if I could, then I would."  
"I know, but I don't trust any of the 5 therapists I've had to go to," I told him.   
"Have you been taking your anti-depressants? Your anxiety pills?" He asked.  
"Yes, and yes," I answered. "Why are you so concerned about me and not yourself?"  
"Oh come on, Killua," He said. "I love you, and you know that. I have a right to be concerned, right?"  
"Well, yeah," I replied. "But you don't need to be concerned about ME."  
"Don't say that!" Gon scolded me. "Come on, we're dating, aren't we? I love you very much, and you need to remember that."  
"But why me out of all the people you could've chosen?" I questioned him. "I'm not good for anything, so why bother choosing to date someone who has no talent over someone with lots of talent...?"  
"Killua!" He said. "You DO have talent!"  
"Yeah right," I sighed. "I don't. You're just so, perfect, and I'm not."  
"Oh, don't compare yourself to me," Gon told me. "You are perfect just the way you are, and you need to start remembering that."  
"Just stop," I told him. "I'm never going to be able to convince myself that I'm fine as the nobody that I currently am."  
"You are NOT a nobody!" He protested. "Stop saying that! I love you just the way you are!"  
"But why?" I asked. "Why DO you love me?"  
"Because you're caring, kind, and a great person!" He said.   
"Kind and caring? And a great person?" I tilted my head. "You have it wrong, Gon. I'm NOT a good person. I'm not any of those traits at all."  
"Yes you are!" Gon argued. "Whenever I'm upset, you always make me feel better! And you're always asking me how I'm feeling and all that, therefore proving that you ARE caring!"  
"Well yeah, I care about you a LOT! Why wouldn't I?" I asked him.  
"Exactly!" He said. "And I care about you just as much as you care about me. And I know you've still been cutting, so stop hurting yourself! It hurts me to see you hurting!"  
"I guess," I responded to him. "I guess I'll stop."  
"Good," He replied. "Because I hate to see you so depressed!"  
"I guess I'll continue to find help," I said.  
"Good!" He said once more.  
"I love you," I said.  
"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna be a while until I write smut again.  
> I'm not in the mood for it anymore, and I have more to worry about.  
> I still have to go to school if I want to get into the school I want to get into, I still have to worry about that person threatening my privacy, and I have to worry about if my teacher is okay, since some of us are scared that she isn't. I'm not gonna get into it too much.  
> If the person continues, I'll have to either change the settings so only users on here can read it, or I can take extreme measures and delete the entire thing (and move it onto another website). However, I do not think I'll have to do that just yet. I'll wait.  
> Person, if you're reading this? You have no way of doing any harm to me, so stop trying, and stop being the insensitive person you are.


	41. Chapter 41 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 12th. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.

I walked downstairs after I took my anti-depressants, to see Alluka and her girlfriend clinging to the book case in the living room. I was surprised that the bookcase was still standing up, and didn't crash down from their weight.  
"What are you doing?" I asked them, in a confused tone.  
"The floor is lava," Alluka told me. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, you're roasted."  
"The floor isn't really lava. You do know that, right?" I laughed a bit after I asked her.  
"Come on, big brother! We're just trying to have fun!" She rolled her eyes. "At least let us have some fun while we can...?"  
"Of course I'll let you have fun," I said. "I'm not gonna stop you."  
"Floor is back to normal," Felicity said as she jumped down. Alluka jumped down as well.  
After a while, Felicity went home.  
"Hey, Alluka?" Alluka looked at me. "Yes?" She asked.  
"What did you mean by 'while we can'?" I asked her.  
"Well, Felicity is moving to a new school next month..." She said. "So we're spending as much time together as we possibly can! We're hanging out every single day until that time comes!"  
"That's nice," I answered. "You really should be spending as much time together as possible."  
"Mhm!" She nodded.  
I really wished that Gon and I had spent more time together before I had moved away. It would have really helped with the pain that came after my leave. It wouldn't have hurt us as much. We only spent 4 days together in that time. Not spending more time with Gon was something I really regretted.  
I went upstairs and into my room to continue with a sketch that I was doing. It was a sketch. A sketch of a bird. It looked somewhat decent, I guess.  
I continued with my sketch, as my pencil glided across the paper. My skills hadn't improved at all. After I left, I had become extremely depressed. I had lost interest in almost everything, including art. But now, I was starting to get back into it again. I had decided to pick up my pencil and start sketching again. I had also decided to pick up on the flute again. I could tell that I had lost some of my skill over time. The first time when I decided to pick it up again, I screwed up and it made a loud screeching noise.  
I had woken almost everybody up. The only people who stayed asleep were Kalluto and Illumi. Alluka was confused and asked what the noise was, and mom scolded me for playing it so terribly.   
After I finished my sketch, I took a picture of it. I sent it to Gon, and as I waited for a reply, I decided to play my flute.  
I heard a knock on my door. I put my flute down, and the door swung open, nearly hitting me in the face.  
"Yes?" I asked.  
"What's it like to play in a high school band?" Alluka asked. "Is it difficult?"  
"Well, you're in a middle school band, so it's not gonna be a problem for you," I answered. "However, I wasn't in a middle school band like you, so it was much harder for me to start playing the flute. I wish I had been in band in middle school, so that it would've been easier."  
"Oh, okay!" She replied. Alluka walked out of the room.   
I sighed and continued to play my flute, until my phone buzzed. I picked it up and looked at the text.  
"Wow, looks great!! Keep up the good work!" The text read. I smiled. Gon was the only thing that brought me true happiness, something that art and music could never bring me.  
"Thanks. Love you." I replied to the text.  
He replied with, "Love you too."  
I sat at the window of my house, and continued to play my flute.  
Nothing would ever bring me true happiness except for Gon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tHE FLOOR IS LAVA-


	42. Chapter 42 - Killua's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May 12th. Killua is back in Yorknew and living with Gon.

I was back in Yorknew City. But now, I had to live with Gon. Illumi was in Yorknew too, and he was living with Hisoka, since Hisoka bought an apartment in Yorknew.  
I wasn't here for a good reason, though.  
My mother kicked me out because apparently I was being selfish and never helping her with Kalluto or Alluka.  
Illumi for once, decided to stand up for me and told her that I wasn't being selfish.  
She called me stupid, and yelled at me.  
"YOU'RE SO FUCKING SELFISH," She yelled. "I DID ALL THIS STUFF FOR YOU, AND YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME?! PATHETIC!"  
After arguing, she shoved Illumi and I out the door and slammed it in front of our faces.  
"FUCK OFF, AND NEVER COME BACK!" She had shouted at us.  
After a few minutes, she threw suitcases at us stuffed with our belongings.  
Illumi had sighed and told me to get in his car.  
We drove all the way back to Yorknew.  
When I arrived at Gon's doorstep, he was surprised.  
When I explained to him what happened, he told me to come in, and that I could live with him and his aunt.  
I had let out all of my sadness through sobs, and he comforted me, saying it was going to be okay. He pulled me close to him, and comforted me.  
"You weren't being selfish," Gon told me, as I unpacked my stuff. "She was being a jerk to you. It's not your fault."  
"But my family was crumbling apart around me and I was so focused on myself that I didn't even realize..." I sniffed.  
"It's not your fault," He pulled me closer as we both laid down on his bed. "Unpack later. Don't put all this pressure on yourself."  
"But why?" I asked.  
"Don't ask why," Gon said. "None of that was your fault."  
"I hope not..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter was short.  
> I will not be updating for a while.  
> Here's a small paragraph/vent as to why I will not be updating for a while:  
> I enjoyed writing. I also enjoyed social media. Both of those two helped me escape reality, because I hated it. "Just temporarily", I thought. But it wasn't like that. Every second of the day, I was either writing or posting on social media. I was oblivious to what was happening around me. I was ignoring everything that happened in reality. My family was slowly crumbling apart but I was too stupid to notice or even care.  
> And then something happened that finally made me snap back to reality. To make me realize that no matter what, I can't escape reality. If I try, I'll become the same oblivious idiot that ignores everything around him.  
> My parents had a fight with my uncle. It was bad. Probably the worst fight my family has ever had. I was too caught up in my music and games to notice. When I did... I realized that no matter what, reality is harsher than fiction. I've been ignoring it for too long.  
> And... When my parents explained what happened, it made me crushed, nonetheless. My family was falling apart and I was too stupid and dumb to notice.  
> My family is 100x more important than this social media. My posts can wait. My dreams aren't important right now. Sure, I used it in attempts to escape reality, but I can't. I'll become oblivious to everything around me again. And I've been a horrible person for doing so.  
> I'm not gonna be posting again until this is all solved. My writing and replies can wait. My family is much more important.


End file.
